You Went Away
by falendoyle
Summary: After prom night, Spencer leaves Los Angeles, only to return five years later to a place unfamiliar and bitter to her.
1. Chapter 1: When Doves Cry

Author: Emme (falendoyle)  
Rating: PG to NC-17

Disclaimer: The characters in this story belong to The-N. Some are mine (i.e. Maddelena, Siena May)

Pairing: Spencer and Ashley… eventually.

Note: Thank you so much and I hope you like it. Feedback equals more and quicker chapters. Tell me what you think, ideas, and anything else. Thank you!

Summary: After prom night, Spencer leaves Los Angeles, only to return five years later to a place unfamiliar and bitter to her.

Feedback: Tell me what you think and any suggestions of where I can take this. This makes me want to right more and even quicker. I can update multiple times a day…it just depends on how much you feed me.

Chapter One  
When Doves Cry

Spencer turned off the ignition as she parked the car in a free spot in front of the familiar house that she used to call 'home'. She let the radio linger on as the song was reaching its climax. Any other song by any other artist, she would have turned. This song captivated her, the music and lyrics held onto her as the voice sang melodiously into her ears.

It is funny how you can hear a song so many times and not have a care in the world about it. . It's weird, like when you're in love, all of sudden it feels like you're hearing these love songs for the first time, like the singer is suddenly just talking to you alone, reading your mind... and when you're grieving it's the same thing. You're in tune with all the sadness of the universe. These songs find you, like they were only meant for you. Over the last five years, this was how it felt for Spencer. She would suddenly hear a song, a phrase, a poem, and stop in her tracks. She would listen, and she would feel the past coming alive in her head for those short three minutes. Of course, the song will end, like all of it had ended, and she would return to her tedious life.

The song ended in soft lyrical bliss and Spencer came back to reality. She took a deep breath to pull together herself and opened the car door. She reached down and lifted the seat forward so she could get the contents that were resting in her back seat. Spencer easily unbuckled the sleeping six month old girl from her car seat and lifted her out. Spencer grabbed a light green bag that was sitting next to the car seat. On top of it rested a tomato red Mei Tai baby carrier with a floral design in the middle. She took it and threw it over her shoulder to use a little latter. She held the sleeping child in her hands as she got out of the car.

She closed the door to her red 1967 Ford Mustang and turned toward the house with the small child in her arms. She slowly made her way up the concrete path to the wooden door of her old high school home. With her free hand she softly knocked on the door and took a step back. She turned toward the street and surveyed her surroundings. In the last five years, nothing had change much. There were more flowers in the garden and a couple toys laying in the yard. From that, nothing was different. There was three extra cars in the drive way, she had no clue who's they were. No one knew she was coming, no one would suspect it.

In the last five years, Spencer hadn't talked to her family over three times. One was to announce Clay's daughter being born, the second was to have a family vacation in France (which she denied to go due to certain circumstances being born), and lastly was to tell her that Clay and Chelsea was getting married. She had refused to come to the wedding, but her conscience got a hold of her and here she was; standing in front of her old home. Sean played a part in it also. He had convinced her to come.

Spencer let a small smile curl onto her pink lips as she thought about the dark skinned man. He had been her brother's best friend, never loosing contact with him. He also had gotten close to Spencer after she had gotten shot. When Clay wasn't there to look after his little sister, Sean was. They had gotten even closer when Sean had found Spencer in Louisville. She had run there to get away from all the chaos in Los Angeles. He had quickly gained her trust and became her shoulder to lean on. He never told anyone where she was. He was the best friend she could have in the time of need. _We got too close, _Spencer thought while looking down at the small child sleeping against her chest.

Spencer got pulled away from her thoughts when she heard the door open and a surprised "Spencer" being said by her father. Putting an excited on her face, Spencer turned around to see her father. He looked the same as he had before she left, spare a couple gray hairs. He had a huge smile on his face and his eyes where large with surprise. 

"Daddy!" Spencer said hugging her father tightly. She never would have suspected the excitement that had felled her body by seeing her father. Given that it was five years since she had seen the man that had taught her so many different things, and had been a wonderful father to her, she should be excited.

"Spencer, it is so wonderful to have you home." Arthur said to his daughter, tears whelming in his eyes. Spencer's body began to calm by hearing the therapeutic voice of her father's.

A loud, piercing cry broke the small reunion apart when the small forgotten child made herself known. Arthur pulled apart shocked at the child Spencer was holding. Spencer patted the child's back, whispering 'mommy's sorry' in a soft, healing voice. Arthur watched the scene unfold in front of him with wide eyes. Things have truly changed. Spencer was patting the beautiful little girl's back. He noticed the similarities and differences between the two. The little girl had pale golden honey colored skin with big, cocoa eyes. She had curly reddish brown hair pulled together into a small pony by a red ribbon. She had Spencer's face. The only thing that would tell her apart from Spencer's baby pictures was her slightly darker skin. 

"Arthur, who is at the door?" The curious voice of Paula said coming to the door.

She stopped dead in her tracks as she saw her daughter meet her blue eyes. Her breath caught with surprise and a smile came onto her face, "Spencer!"

Spencer turned her attention to her parents, "Hello, I thought, you know, I would…" Her voice trailed off.  
Paula nodded her head, "Of course, of course. Spencer, it is so great to see my daughter home. Are you here for the wedding? Are you here for good? Where are you gonna stay? Here?" Paula asked bombarding her daughter with eager questions.

Arthur put a hand on his excited wife's shoulder, "Hun, she just got in. Let's have her come in and see everybody before she answers any questions."

Spencer smiled at her father and followed him through the door. He led her to the living room. She gave her awake daughter her attention as she walked the steps she had memorized. She pulled down the little girl's light green cotton dress. She was surprised the dark brown colored Ugg boots where still on her feet. She placed a gentle kiss on her daughter's head before turning her attention back to her father. 

"…we are in the middle of a celebration." She heard him finished when she noticed several people in the dinning room staring at her with wide eyes.

Her breath caught, not expecting to face everyone at once. She mechanically sat down her stuff and took a seat on the couch with the little child in her lap, leaning against her chest. The smile she was once wearing had fallen off and she looked frightened.

"Hey, sorry to crash the party," she said as everyone filled into the living room. Her heart skipped a beat as she saw Ashley and Chelsea make there way from the kitchen to see why the noise level suddenly lowered.

Clay had a huge grin on his face as he made is way over to her. He carried a four year old girl in his arms. She was a mirror image of him.  
"Spencer, oh my god! You're here!" His voice exclaimed. "Siena May, this is your aunt Spencer I tell you about. Can you say 'hi'?" He said tugging at the little girl's art shirt. The little girl turned her head shyly away into his shoulder. This made Spencer chuckle, the little girl even had his personality.

Everyone had come to surround her, but most important, SHE had come to stand next to Chelsea and Clay. To make matters worse, the young child in her arms began to cry. Spencer looked down at her daughter and softly whispered reassurances to her. The child not used to so many people around her.

In a emotionless voice, Ashley asked, "Who is she?"

Spencer looked up at everyone. The question that was on everyone's mind was asked bluntly.

She answered, not meeting anyone's eyes, "My daughter, Maddelena."


	2. Chapter 2: Nothing Good about Goodbye

Author: Emme (falendoyle)  
Rating: PG to NC-17

Disclaimer: The characters in this story belong to The-N. Some are mine (i.e. Maddelena, Siena May)

Pairing: Spencer and Ashley… eventually…maybe

Note: Okay, I am so incredibly sorry for the terribly long wait. I promise that it will never be this long for an update. I wrote out about four chapters so I can stay in sync now. I know this chapter is shot but I hope that you guys will like this and much love to those who left me feedback. Feedback equals more and quicker chapters. Tell me what you think, ideas, and anything else. Thank you! Oh and everything in italics is the past. Oh and I don't have a Beta, so this is probably filled with many mistakes. 

Summary: After prom night, Spencer leaves Los Angeles, only to return five years later to a place unfamiliar and bitter to her. 

Feedback: Tell me what you think and any suggestions of where I can take this. This makes me want to right more and even quicker. I can update multiple times a day…it just depends on how much you feed me.

Chapter Two  
Nothing Good about Goodbye

_Bullets flying, the sound of crackling filled the air and she sat huddled under a mass body. The noise was being muffled out by the loud screams of people and the hard beating heart of the body protecting her. She could hear her own heart beating rhythmically in her ear. It felt as if someone had reached into her chest and pulled it out with their perfectly manicured hands, and held it to her ear. She could feel the warm dripping of her own blood fall on to her shoulder._

Soon after the noise stopped, there was a silence. No noise, no bullets, nothing, except the annoying beating of her heart.

The body had gotten up off her in one swift move, yet her eyes stayed unclosed.

She laid there. 

Minutes later the sound of footsteps running toward her caught her attention. She slowly opened her eyes up to the lightened night. Coming to her knees in front of Spencer, Kyla softly touched her head. Spencer pulled back from the younger girl.

"You're bleeding," the young girl whispers gingerly.

Spencer brought her hand up to rest onto of Kyla's soft fingers. She felt the warm liquid ooze between Kyla's fingers onto her's. Spencer looked at Kyla, her eyes saddened by the events of the night. The perfect night that had been planned out was now ruined, like her silky blue dress she currently had on with blood stains in it. She couldn't say anything to the young girl, because she knew that the sadness was only reflected back.

Without a word and only a small forced smile at the young girl, Spencer stood up. Kyla's hand dropped. Spencer didn't take her time looking around at the damage. Instead, she turned her back, and walked away. Her back turned on everyone and everything. Her eyes didn't see the young black man dead on the ground, the Latina hovering over her blond brother, or even the brunette in his arms. She just advert her eyes, because she knew what was not seen, was not thought about. And what was not thought about would make it easier on her.

Spencer was raised a fighter, but as of right now she surrendered. She held up her white flag high above her head. She knew that surrendering didn't mean that she gave up; it just meant that she was recognizing her faults in certain situations. So, she walked away. 

The chapped feeling of her lip under her tongue made Spencer nervously bite at the skin. She let her fingers play with the hem of the small child's dress. Her eyes were focused on the child in her arms who was entertaining herself by clapping her hands together. She was surrounded by curious on-lookers whom she thought she would be able to take on one at a time. Instead, she was forced to take on everyone know.

She had moved to the middle of the sofa, her mother and father on either side of her. Across from her in the love seat sat Clay and Chelsea, the small black haired child curled into her father's lap. Kyla, who had walked out of the kitchen after Ashley and Chelsea, sat in the large black leather chair with Ashley sitting on the arm of it. Ashley sat there with her arms folded over another and a blank expression. The girl Spencer once was able to read, gone, and replaced with someone she didn't recognize. Kyla gave Spencer a small optimistic smile. This brought some ease to Spencer. Her blond headed brother sat Indian style on the floor in front of the coffee table, the boy looking up at his sister.

Spencer took a deep breath and spoke, "I feel bad, and today is Chelsea and Clay's. Can't we ask questions later?"

Chelsea smiled cautiously at Spencer, "You have been gone five years. I think that calls for some answers, but only if you feel comfortable answering them."

Spencer nodded her head, "I'm not hiding anything."

Glen sat up straight and spoke, "Good, who's the idiot that got my sister pregnant?"

Arthur looked at his son, "Glen, lets get past some easier questions before we go onto the hard ones." Arthur turned to his daughter smiling, "Honey, why don't you tell us what you have been up to?"

Spencer smiled at her father, "Well, I graduated from U of L last year. I doubled my majors and got my degree in Art and Psychology. I minored in Spanish. I was going to go back to get my master's but I had her."

Ashley cut in, "Why are you back?"

Spencer looked eyes with the dark haired girl. She looked different, older. She had her hair pulled back into a messy bun, away from her face. She wore a pair of tight fitting jeans and a plain blue shirt that clung to all the right places. Ashley's eyes were a swirling storm of darkness, tainted with something. Spencer answered her question, "Honestly, I am back due to work. I am working as an Art Therapist slash psychologist for the L.A. Gay & Lesbian Center. I just bought a two bedroom home in West Hollywood."

Paula looked at her daughter, mouth agape. "So…uhh…you still gay?"

Spencer chuckled, "Yes, mom, I'm a lesbian." She glanced at Ashley before turning her head back to her mother, "For some people, it doesn't change."

There was a long silence. Awkward.

Glen jumped in and said in his best ghetto impression, "So, who's your baby daddy or was it just a turkey baster?"

Spencer shook her head at her brother, "Ha-ha, very funny. No, it was actually a very emotional thing with her. Sean…"

Clay snapped at her, "Sean? What the…"

Spencer furrowed her eyebrows at him, "Sean has been there for me for a long time. ANYWAY, Sean just got out of a bad relationship and I was a mess. So, we both used each other without thinking of the consequences. It was only a one time thing, literally a one time thing, but we got her out of it."

Clay's face was scrunched up, "I should kill…"

"Clay," Spencer said in a solid tone, "He is a great father, and has been there for me anything I need him. He helped me through college, and he is in her life. It is all good."

Clay calmed down and sat back. He trusted his sister.

Spencer turned back to everyone, "Plus, I am here for my brother's wedding."

Chelsea smiled at the younger girl, "Good."

Spencer chuckled, "Okay, anymore questions?"

Paula gingerly touched Maddelena's leg, feeling the smooth baby soft skin of the child. She looked up at Spencer, "How old is she?"

"Six months Monday. Her full name is Revelation Maddelena Epiphany Hazel Carlin. She is also very expressive." Spencer said chuckling at the small child looking up at her when she heard her name.

Quickly, Spencer changed the subject, "So, how about everyone. What's new? Where is everyone at? Where do you live? What do you do?"

Glen spoke up first, "Well, Baby Sis, I am working at a gym as a trainer. It's called Sky Sport, a really cool place. I am dating a really smoking girl named Tamar, and that's it."

Spencer smiled at her brother. She looked at the blond haired boy. _He's changed…_ Spencer thought to herself sadly.

Clay was the next to speak up, "I have one more year until I get out of Med. School."

Spencer smiled at her brother, knowing that he had to do a lot of work to complete 8 years of school in only 6. She watched as her niece smiled at her. The beautiful dark skinned child had a radiating smile. Her hair was pulled back in twisties and she had on jeans and a Damien Rice tee shirt that was two big for her. 

Chelsea continued, "Yeah, he's soon to be Dr. Clay Carlin. I own a gallery in Santa Monica, it's called "Siena May."

The little girl beamed and spoke loudly for the first time, "After me!"

The dark skinned woman smiled at her daughter and nodded.

Spencer looked over at the two Davies sisters. Ashley just stared at her.

Kyla spoke, "It's really interesting that you work at the Gay and Lesbian center. I work across from it at a small theater. I teach acting classes to children. Ashley sometimes puts on performances there also."  
Spencer cocked her head to the side, "So, Ashley, I think it is your turn. What do you do?"

Ashley had a straight face, "I produce mostly, and sometimes sing. But most of the time I am a stay at home mom, and watch Siena."

Spencer's world spinned around her as she waited to hear what she knew she would hear.

"I have two children," Ashley chuckled, "Aiden and I got married three years ago.

---------------------------------------------

Oh My God! What's to happen next? Lol. Tell me what you think. How does Spencer react? What will she do? Leave me some love and tell me what you like, what you don't like, and what you want to see. 

Much Love!


	3. Chapter 3: Ice Box

Chapter Three  
Ice Box

The awkward silence covered the room like a hazy fog consuming everyone. Spencer was speechless and didn't know what to say. She had expected this, she expected her to have the two point five kids married to the former basketball star. She **expect** it. That didn't mean that she was ready for this though. That she was ready to finally let go of the girl who had cut her heart out and kept it. She wondered what the girl had done with it. Did she put it into a metal box and keep it high up in her closet like what the blond did with all their keepsakes. Or maybe she buried it deep into the ground, and now it is just the remains the worms left. It intrigues the blond to wonder where her cut heart was.

The buzzing sound of a timer gone off broke the silence and everyone stood up and went their separate ways. Spencer excused herself to the bathroom, saying she had to change Maddelena's diaper. The two Carlin parents went into the kitchen with Clay and Chelsea and Glen followed Spencer upstairs. The young Davies girl went into the dinning room, following Clay into the kitchen. Ashley took a seat in the large chair as the young wild haired child crawled up into her lap.

Spencer quickly climbed up the steps, her black Chucks making a clacking sound as she traveled. She held Maddelena on her hip as she traveled down the familiar hallway. She heard Glen behind her but didn't say a word.

Her eyes watched the pictures go by. Some pictures where familiar to the blond, some where new. She saw a picture of Chelsea looking adoringly at Clay as he held their daughter in a rocking chair, and one of the entire Carlin families in Paris. They where standing in front of the Eiffel Tower, Paula holding Siena May on her hip as Arthur stood behind her with his hand on her shoulder. Clay and Chelsea held each other, standing close. On the opposite side Glen stood with his hand resting on Arthur's shoulder. The family looked so content with themselves, but their faces told Spencer that something was missing. She was missing. 

There were more pictures of the family as she passed Clay and Chelsea's room, then the pink princess room that had once been Glen's. As she made it to her old door, she got to the last couple pictures. There was an old picture of everyone with their paintball guns, ready to fight. Then she passed a picture with everyone in the threshold to the living room, ready for prom. That was the last picture she had taken in the presence of her family. The next pictures were hard for Spencer to see. There was one with Ashley and Kyla smiling into the camera, another one of all the 'kids' together. There was one with Chelsea and Kyla in beautiful light purple dresses, and following that was one with Ashley in the middle of them two. Spencer's non-existent heart caught into her body. Chelsea and Kyla wore their same dresses, but Ashley looked stunning in an off-white wedding gown. She had her hair tied up on her head, and her features where soft and pale. She had a soft smile on her face, it didn't reach her eyes.

Glen pulled Spencer past the rest of the pictures on the wall; she didn't even look to see them. They entered the bedroom. To her surprise everything was the same. All the pictures on her wall, all the stuff on her desk, everything was exactly how she left it five years ago.

Spencer laid the quiet little girl on the bed and she pulled off her Ugg boots. She began the task at changing the child's diaper.

The bed shifted slightly as Glen sat down on the bed and gave Maddelena his finger to play with.

"They got together officially eight months after you left." Glen said looking at his sister. "After you left, well the night at prom, Ashley thought you where dead or some shit. I mean, she didn't know if you where taking to the hospital or what. Mom didn't tell her that you left until a week after the shooting."

Spencer's eye furrowed, wondering why it took her mom that long to inform the young girl she wasn't dead. 

Glen must have seen this as he continued, "Mom didn't do it to hurt Ashley, and she was just so worried about us. I had gotten shot in the back, Clay had a severe concussion, and you where gone. On top of that she had to take care of all the victims, and worry about where you were. She just didn't have time.

Anyway, for the first month Ashley looked everywhere for you. She drove all around California. She and Dad hired a private detective also. When the detective came back with not even a trace of you, Ashley completely broke down, along with mom. We stayed her to take care of mom, Kyla and Aiden where the only ones there to take care of her."

Spencer finished putting the diaper on the little girl. She picked her up and sat on the bed so she can look Glen in the eyes. She sat the child on her lap.

Glen continued, his eyes locking with Spencer's, "She was really bad, Spence, I'm not going to sugar coat anything. By what Kyla had told me, she didn't eat, she didn't sleep. She just sat there. In her room. Alone. She would scream at anyone who dared come in. She was just a shell. Mom was no better, but after the first week she finally got up. Even though for the first couple months she was like a robot, at least mom tried to make it better for us. Ashley didn't.

"Dad finally went in and talked some since into her. He made her eat and gave her rules. She wasn't to be alone, she needed to at least eat three meals, go to school. You know, stuff like that. Kyla was suppose to keep an eye on her, and if she couldn't then Aidenwas suppose to.

"So, after the first year she was back to her old self…except she wasn't the Ashley you knew anymore…she was different. She was more…how do I say this…more mature. She was strong; she was also very hard, like stone. Anyway, she and Aidengot together.

"I remember that day, Aidenhad asked for my opinion. He knew that Ashley doesn't love him like that. He also knew that she needed someone to take care of her. I told him that we just got out of high school and we need to live our lives and not get too deep in shit like this. I guess to him that meant get with the girl.

"The rest is history. They got together, Ashley got pregnant. They got married. Ashley still sings and shit, but she didn't want to presume that thing anymore. She said she rather stay in the back ground. Aidenis the coach for King now, and he also works in UCLA's sports department. Aidenis a wonderful father. I mean, the man is great. Like today, he took the kids to Sea World for the day. I'm not gonna lie, we all have gotten really close."

Spencer sat there playing with her daughter's hands. Spencer's eyes were glossy with unleashed tears. She was trying to take in everything her brother had just said. She took a breath, knowing she was strong enough to go on downstairs.

Spencer stood up and smiled at her brother, tilting her head to the side softly. He opened his arms for his younger sister to step in.

They stood there, like that, for several minutes.

------------------------------------

Spencer cursed herself for the hundredth time as she walked frantically through the house to the kitchen to check on the broccoli cooking. Her bare feet were gracing the hardwood floor quick. She had on gray colored yoga pants over a light green bikini. In her Mai Tai, Maddelena was sleeping against Spencer's chest. The young child was slightly drooling onto the pale skin. As Spencer walked in the kitchen, she quickly put her blond hair up in a messy bun.

She had no idea why she invited everyone over for an early dinner and swimming. She knew that it was too soon. She had only just seen everyone three days ago, but of course she had to invite them over. The day before, she had finally finished packing. The house looked beyond great, but that still didn't help calm Spencer's nervousness.

Her West Hollywood home had two large bedrooms and two bathrooms. She had a luxurious back yard with a beautiful pool. She had bought the property from a real state company who sold homes that had been used in television or movies. She had saw this previously in The L Word, Bette and Tina's home and knew that it would be a great investment. Plus, it came full furnished and she got a lovely discount from the Lesbian and Gay Center.

She checked the food before turning her attention to the ringing black SLVR on the counter. She checked the display before answering it. 

"Hello Qi (Ki), what's up?" Spencer said as she busied herself with opening the French doors to the back yard and getting out floats.

"Nothing just bored as hell." The girl said from the other end of the phone.

"Well, let me put it this way, what do you want. You know I have people coming."

Qi laughed, "Oh, I was gonna tell you to be calm and center yourself."

Spencer laughed, "How's the Buddhist get-a-way going?"

"Obviously not good because I am on the phone. Why the hell did I even come here? Damn, I am gonna kill my parents!" Qi said overly dramatically. Qi was a year older than Spencer, making her twenty two. Spencer met Qi the first day she arrived in Louisville. The Japanese lesbian bumped into Spencer at the airport. She had just gotten off her plain from visiting her family in Japan and was now home. They became quick friends. Spencer ended up living with Qi and her grandparents for a couple months. Every year, Qi had to go home and visit her family and then spend a week with her eldest brother 'centering' themselves in a Buddhist temple.

Spencer laughed at the girl again; she was always there for humor. "You could always come here and save me from hell."

Qi replied, "Is it that bad?"

Spencer nodded her head, even though she knew Qi couldn't see her. "Is so, ughhh, I wish things where how they used to be. Everyone here is so tight together, and I invited everyone over for dinner. **She's **coming with her knew family."

Qi sighed at the younger girl, "I'm sorry Spencer, but I know you are strong enough to get through this. I mean, the girl wasn't worth you. You know?"

Spencer just sighed, "So, how about you come here when you get back?"

Qi was quiet for a second, "Umm, well, I sorta promised Emme that we would drive up to Indy when I get back."

Spencer took another deep breathe, "How…how is she?"

"You left her pretty hurt when you left."

"She said she understood why I had to leave."

"Spencer, you told her you had to break up because you had to come back to Los Angeles for work. Spencer, it's Emme. She will agree to anything you say if it would please you." Qi sighed, "The poor girl was hurt when you left. You were together for four years."

"Off and on," Spencer said taking a seat on the lawn chair. Her right hand pressing against Maddelena's back.

"Still, but I think what hurt the most was you taking Mad away from her. I mean, Spencer, Emme was like her mother and you knew that."

Spencer agreed, "I know and you know I didn't want to do that." She looked down ashamed. The image of the pale honey colored girl filling her eyes. Emme was her girl friend for so long. When Qi introduced them a couple weeks after she had gotten into town, Spencer had taken a liking to the shy girl. Emme had helped Spencer get through the Ashley thing and also offered her to stay with her at her house. Soon, Spencer and Emme began to become uber close, and later they began a relationship. Spencer knew what they had was a different kind of love her and Ashley had. What she and Ashley had was over the stars and shooting into the sky, what she and Emme had was earthy. She had already given Ashley her heart, the beating red organ was with the brown headed girl. With Emme, she gave her everything else. She gave her her mind, her lungs, and other useful organs.

When Maddelena was born Emme and Spencer moved out of Emme's mother's house into an apartment in downtown Louisville. Emme had become Maddelena's second mom, and she was close to Sean also, which made there whole parenting arrangements easier.

"Anyway, I gotta go. They're calling me. I hope you dinner goes okay and I will talk to you later." Qi said in an annoyed voice. She hung up the phone quickly.

Spencer sighed, too many things going on in her life. She felt so bad with how she treated Emme the day she left. She was a bitch for leaving the young twenty year old girl alone. She took away Maddelena from her also. Along side Emme, she was still dealing with the reeling emotions that came with Ashley.

Tearing her out of her thoughts was the sound of the door bell. Spencer quickly stood up and padded across the hard wood floor to the door. She reached out her free hand and opened it; with the other she stuck her cell in the front pocket of the Mai Tai.

Plastering a smile on her face, she greeted everyone as they walked in. Her parents made their way in. Both were wearing swimming gear, and her mother donning large black sunglasses. Clay came in next holding Siena May's small hand and Chelsea followed them. She handed Spencer a wine bottle before following her man. Kyla walked in smiling brightly at Spencer, wearing flip flops, bikini, and a towel around her waist. Lastly, the Dennison family followed.

A small three year old little boy walked in smiling up at Spencer. He had dark black hair that was long, and pulled back into a pony tail. He had a Wiggles towel hung over his tanned shoulder and blue swimming trunks on. Before walking off he turned his head to his mother and said, "Mommy, look, she's pretty!"

Spencer chuckled as the little boy ran off. Her smile faded as Ashley walked in carrying a two year old little girl. The small child was an exact replica of Ashley. She had on cute little sunglasses and her hair was tied back into a pony tail. The small hand of the child rested on Ashley's shoulder. Ashley politely smiled at Spencer as she stood in front of her. Aidan, walking around his wife, engulfed Spencer in an embrace.

"It's so good to see you!' He said before getting pushed away.

Spencer's eyebrows furrowed together. Sarcastically she said, "It's nice to see you."

Aiden stood next to Ashley. They didn't touch, no that would be too much for this situation. They just stood there. Ashley glanced at Aiden before turning back to Spencer. To Spencer's surprise, the look didn't scream 'Love'. No, it was more, "Last Resort". Spencer wasn't going to lie to herself, she saw 'love' but it wasn't even close to the love two married people should have. 

Spencer followed them into the dinning room. She smiled at her family. The door opened loudly and her head quickly turned to Glen and a dark skinned girl coming into the house.

Shaking her head she spoke, "Thank you all for coming. I had dinner done and we can eat before we venture out to the pool."

Everyone spoke agreements before heading into the kitchen to get food.

An hour later everyone was heading out the French doors to the pool area. Spencer had taking Maddelena out and let her go swimming with Arthur. Spencer was in the kitchen cleaning up the dishes when Ashley walked in.

"Hey, do you need any help?" The older girl asked her.

Spencer shook her head, "No."

"Umm, I like your house. It reminds me so much of The L Word."

Spencer shrugged her shoulders.

"Spencer, you're not being fair!" Ashley said putting her hands on her hips.

Spencer through the plate she was cleaning back into the water. It broke and she didn't care. She kept her eyes on the brunette. "Fair? Ashley, what's not fair is you!"

Ashley cocked her eyebrow, "what?"

"You heard me, you. You come in here with you perfect little family telling me I'm not fair." Spencer was pissed. She continued, "You fucking left me that night Ashley. You left with Aiden and left me on the fucking ground. You fucking hesitated when I told you to decide. You're not fucking fair."

Ashley stepped forward talking to Spencer in the same tone, "What the…You're the fucking on to leave! I was with fucking Aiden because he fucking got shot! Spencer, he took a bullet to the heart for you! Damn, maybe I hesitated. Yes, I admit that but I was going to fucking choose you!"

Spencer's face softened, but her anger didn't down. "Let's not do this right now. I don't want to do this right now."

Ashley sighed, "Whatever, Spencer, I'm going back out and have a good time."

Spencer licked her lips, "Wait."

Ashley stopped and turned around.

Spencer continued, "What are their names?"

Ashley looked at Spencer, "My little boy is Ashden and my daughter is Teigue."

Spencer watched her walk out. Her face held shock.

Teigue…

Ashley named her after Spencer…well her middle name.

--------------------------

Thank you all for your wonderful replies. This is all for tonight folks. I will give you more tomorrow! Or maybe I may surprise you….if I get some love. I am having fun with this honestly and it is getting pretty good.


	4. Chapter 4: Us

Chapter Four

Us

Spencer leaned up against the counter, her arms folded over her chest. She knew that this wasn't the time fore this, but she also knew that she needed so hear the things Ashley could only tell her. The sharp edge of the counter was digging into her bare back, but the blond did not care. Instead, she didn't look away from the brunette's dark cocoa eyes.

Ashley was the first one to speak. Her pink lips moving to form words, "Why'd you leave?"

To anyone, that should be the simple answer. The answer that could be simply answered by a, "Oh, I felt I needed to" or "Oh, because I am a stupid little girl who's world fell away". Instead, this question was the most complicated and hardest for Spencer to answer. What she wanted to say…she didn't know if she could form into words. Spencer found it sort of funny how deep this relationship had formed it self. The high school relationship between the shy catholic girl and the bad rocker chick had become more than it ever could have been in anyone's eyes. Weren't high school relationships supposed to be just learning experiences? Spencer knew that it had been more to still have these feelings left in the part of her body her heart used to vacate.

Spencer felt her face drop to the thoughts forming in her mind. She said the first things coming to her mind, trying to make since of it all. "I left because I was afraid."

Ashley laughed, "Common, if you're going to make up shit, you can do better than that."

Spencer's faced turned hurt. She was trying to explain her feelings and all Ashley can do was deny her of that.

"Fuck Ashley, I am trying to tell you." Spencer yelled at the brown haired girl.

Ashley ran a hand through her chestnut locks, "Sorry, continue."

Spencer glared at Ashley, the sadness and confusion springing from her eyes. "I was fucking scared that you choose him. Fuck, Ashley, I fucking loved you! I don't think that you fucking realized that either. I felt like you where disappearing from me. I felt like it was…no you did always run to Aiden. You never came to me, not once. Ashley, when you hesitated, when you took so fucking long to answer…that fucking scared me. I was terrified I would loose the best person in my life."

The silence filled the room before Spencer continued, "Ashley, you had no idea what it felt like to be with you. Every fucking night I would lay in bed thinking how lucky I was, or if it was a dream. I thought maybe I was actually sitting away in some asylum dreaming all this fucking up. Ashley, I wanted you. I needed you. I fucking loved you and you fucking hesitated. The whole 30 seconds, I felt I would have a heart attack. I fucking thought I was just a fucking toy you can play with. I felt like that Ashley.

"So, yes, I fucking ran. I got the fuck out of there after you left me on that fucking ground. I assumed that you choose Aiden. I was probably wrong, but I had my reasons to have such a heavy suspension of it. So, I'm sorry if I caused you (air quotes) 'pain', but you are equally responsible."

There were tears streaming down Spencer's face now, and some snot trailing down from her nose to her mouth. She was too exhausted to wipe them away. Her glossy covered eyes never left Ashley's. She had stray tears falling down her cheeks. Her eyes read sadness, disappointment, and hurt. Her hands were tapping against her sides.

The scene was all ironic. The sun shined in through all the windows and open door, giving the room with millions of beams of light. The sound of the children playing with the adults, giggling and laughing, was pushing its way into their ears. The beautiful smell of orchids and roses filled the room.

Ashley wiped at the stray tears, standing strong as Spencer was crashing down. She spoke softly, "I did hesitate, and I do love Aiden. But his love and our love were different. I was going to choose you Spencer. I get the part where you didn't like that I hesitated, and that it shouldn't have been a hard choice. But I was scared also. I was scared that I was some kind of experiment of your's, Spencer. I thought that you where just using me and then you would go back to breeder-ville. But Spencer, you shouldn't have run away."

Spencer slowly wiped at her tears, a loud hiccup escaping her lips in the process. "Maybe I shouldn't, but I did."

Ashley furrowed her eyebrows. She had no idea what to say next. She was surprised at all the 'fucks' coming from Spencer's innocent mouth also. She knew this problem couldn't be fixed with very few words and then everything was okay. That wouldn't make life what it was…complicated. This whole situation was complicated. Even if Ashley wanted to through her hands up and run back to Spencer, she knew she couldn't. She had a loving husband, even though their relationship was more like brother and sister than husband and wife. She had two beautiful children, who she couldn't tear from their father. Spencer had a beautiful daughter. There was just too much, and it made her sick to even think that she could run back to Spencer so easily.

They both were hurt.

Simple as that.

And neither of them knew how to fix it.

The silence became heavy. To Spencer, silence it the loudest thing she has every heard.

They stood there for several minutes before a small boy came bouncing through the door. His long raven black hair was wild and stringy. He ran up to Ashley and she automatically picked up the wet little boy. He smiled brightly at the young mother.

Spencer hurried and wiped her tears and face with the back of her hand before flashing a smile at the small child.

"Thank you again Ms. Spencer for the dinner. It was very yummy!" The little boy said rubbing his stomach for emphasis.

Ashley kissed her son on the cheek before pulling back to look at him. With a easy smile she said, "Are you having fun out there, Ashden?"

The little boy nodded eagerly, wet drips of water flying. "Yeah, Daddy is throwing me in the pool. It is i so /i fun! And Pop is playing with the girls!"

The eagerness of the child surprises Spencer. He is so vibrant and happy; he is so hyper and active. This is a change from the loving and cuddling attitude of her mellow daughter. Ashden was very loud and rambunctious.

Ashley nodded her head at the boy and smiled. The affections that she gave the child made Spencer watch very attentively. She was easily examining the interaction between the mother and child. This made her chest raise and fall. It was unusual. Something that Spencer would never expect to happen. Ashley was a mother in all since and she was great at it. Of course the girl still gave off 'Bad Ass Rocker Chick' vibes, but it was more like 'Bad Ass Rocker Mother' now.

Ashley continued talking to her son, "Well, how about you go back out there and continue playing with daddy?"

The little boy fiercely shook his head at his mother, "Nope, Daddy and Teigue want mommy out there too!"

Ashley chuckled, "And what does Ashden want?"

The little boy blushed, "Ashden wants mommy out there too!"

Ashley's smile disappeared as she turned to Spencer. In a serious tone that she didn't use to her son, "Spencer, I am going out there with my family. I hope that you can come out there with us and enjoy our evening. We obviously need to work out some things and right now is not the time."

Spencer nodded her head, still giving the small boy a smile. She gestured with her right arm toward the door. Watching the brunette walk out, she quietly followed. The electric pull between both girls was consciously recognized by them. Ashley wished that this pull was evident when she had search high and low for the blond. She would have used it like an umbilical cord and found her way back to Spencer, her source for life. Instead, it wasn't that evident and they where left in this mess. This wonderful mess.

Spencer took a seat next to Tamar, a beautiful Indian girl Glen had met at Sky Sport. She had long, straight, black hair and dark olive colored skin. She had deep green colored eyes and soft pale lips. She had a warming smile on her face as Spencer set down.

"Hello," Tamar said to the blond as Spencer got comfortable on the lawn chair.

Spencer turned her head to look at Tamar; a warm smile appeared on her lips. "Hey."

That was all the spoken words between them, but they both had a silent agreement to become friends.

Spencer turned her attention to the filled pool. She watched the loud giggling coming from her daughter's small mouth as Arthur dunked half her body in and out of the water, sometimes letting it goes over her head. She watched Ashley jump into the pool with Ashden in her arms. They quickly went under the water and quickly came back up. Softly tossing the boy to Aiden, the small squeal from the boy made Spencer chuckle. Ashley quickly got her daughter from Paula and swam with the small girl. The movie-isque scene in front of her was too ironic.

Monday mornings was always a bitch for Spencer. This morning was an exception; she had her first day of work at the center. The best thing about working there was that they accepted that she wanted to have her daughter with her. Also, if she needed a little time, she could send Maddelena down to the inside day care.

She drove in her car, the speakers softly humming along with She Wants Revenge. She looked through her rear-view mirror at her giggling daughter who entertained herself with the itty bitty spider. She turned her attention back to the road. The song driving into her head as it got louder in the speakers.

iLate last night I was looking through pictures  
Flooded with memories I lie on the floor  
And spread them around me like friends at a party  
There faces remind me of all that I've known/i

The thought of Spencer looking through the large plastic tub of pictures and memorabilia of things that was once she and Ashley's the night she was unpacking came into Spencer's head like a bad movie made in the fifties with smoke around the edges. She had been sprawled out on the living room floor, Maddelena already in Spencer's bed asleep. She had small little pictures spread in front of her while she held tightly to the small injured teddy bear.

iStill I can't forget all the hushed who and why's.  
All the fiction and lies and the tears and the laughs  
Take a walk through the past you and I hand in hand  
As we look at this thing called us/i

Spencer drove on the highway at a quick speed, passing slower cars with a 'whoosh'. She glanced down at the clock on her dash board to check the time. It was only eight fifty and her first appointment wasn't until nine thirty. She had wished it was her going to an appointment for her instead of one for someone else. Realistically, she wishes that she and Ashley would speak again. She wanted to work things out. But Spencer thought too realistic to know that that would never happen. She can imagine her and Ashley sitting in close proximity, looking at the pictures. Their hands would slightly touch each other for mere seconds as they passed the pictures to one and another.

iLate last night I was pacing the hallway  
Reading the letters you'd signed x and o  
I turned out the lights and imagined you with me  
I tried my hardest to cry but it just wouldn't come/i

As Spencer had put herself to bed that night, all she could wish for was one more night with Ashley's arms around her. She forgot how the brunette girl had felt. She had went to bed instead with small notes and letter the girl hard written her between class periods or long nights they where away from each other. The soft vanilla smell that had once been on them was now gone. She wanted to bad to cry herself to sleep that night, let all those emotions come out, but she couldn't.

iStill I can't forget all the hushed who and why's  
All the fiction and lies all the tears and the laughs  
Take a walk through the past  
You and I hand in hand  
As we look at this thing called us/i 

Spencer arrived at the center at nine ten. She took a parking place in the employee parking and turned off the ignition. The music went off, but not leaving her ears. Spencer continued singing the lyrics as she got out of the car and opened the back door. She got her American Eagle laptop bag and grabbed Maddelena's Gucci diaper bag. She stuffed the black baby sling into the diaper bag and grabbed the child from her car seat. She easily and quickly made her way into the building to her office. The lovely woman, whom she presumed was her secretary, sat in a modern glass desk in front of her office.

The woman smiled at Spencer, "Hello Ms. Carlin, I am Apple Huntington, you secretary. This must be Maddelena. She is a beautiful child."

Spencer smiled at the platinum blond. She was nice and Spencer loved her Russian accent. She spoke, "Its nice to meet you Ms. Huntington…"

"Oh, please, Apple."

"Apple. Umm…will you tell me when my nine thirty gets here?"

Apple smiled at her, "Oh, she got here a couple minutes ago. I hope you don't mind me sending her in."

Spencer smiled nicely at Apple, "Oh, that's no problem. Thank you."

Spencer walked past the woman's desk into her office, closing the door behind her. She smiled at the back of the woman's back and dropping her stuff. The woman quickly turned around and met Spencer's eyes.

"Oh my god, Spencer?"

iAll the hushed who and why's  
All the fiction and lies all the tears and the laughs  
Take a walk through the past, you and I hand in hand  
As we look at this thing called trust/i

------------------------------------------

Okay, I finished this right at 10:30. Ha ha! Lol! So, SURPRISE. Never say I don't love you guys. Three updates in one day! So who do you guys think it is? Ashley, Kyla, Madison, or maybe Spencer's ex Emme? OMG who could it be? Lol, how did you like this chapter? Give me some love!


	5. Chapter 5: Filler that needs to be here

Chapter Five

The bright green color of the office walls was making Spencer's mood rise already to a level of content. She had taken a seat in the comfortable black leather chair. Her eyes were staying on the young girl in front of her. She could hear her daughter playing happily on the pale purple blanket she had set out with her and some wooden toys. The glow of the screen from the Mac Book Pro in front of Spencer casted more light than necessary onto her face. The floor length window curtains where open to expose the California sun. The room was filled with all kinds of lights. Spencer's attention stayed on the brunette who was casually sitting in a low black leather chair.

"So, what brings you here?" Spencer asks in a solid voice that made the blond seem more professional. As she spoke she opened up a new patient file on her laptop.

"Well, honestly, I have been confused lately."

Spencer cocked an eyebrow at the girl. Her not so innocent stature made the girl appear stunning to the blond. The brunette's long light brown hair was hanging down to her back in loose curls. Her deep chocolate eyes met Spencer's equally. The girl wore a simple gray colored shirt that showed her toned midriff. She had on a matching tile colored ankle length skirt. Spencer noticed how much the Latina's skin glowed. Physically, the girl hasn't changed much.

"Okay, you're confused?" Spencer asked tilting her head to the side. She got comfortable in her chair. She was intrigued to hear the words that was about to come from the Latina's lips.

"Umm…yeah…damn this is so weird talking to byou/b about this," Madison said sighing. The young girl didn't even want to be here, but she wanted to talk to someone about these unresolved issues she has been feeling for many years now. She continued, "I mean, common, I didn't even know you where back."

Spencer chuckled, "Madison, how about you just tell me about the first time you found yourself having these confusing thoughts?"

Madison gave her annoyed look before going into detail, "The first time that I actually realized it was freshman year. I was staying over at Ashley's house and she was changing into her bikini. I couldn't take my eyes off of her."

Spencer watched Madison's facial expression and lips as the girl went into detail about the first couple experiences she had found herself watching other girls. The girl's face was serious, her eyes held the slight glossiness of memories. Spencer knew what this was like. The Latina's eyes splayed small movies to her. They brought her into the memories right next to the Latina. Spencer was now traveling into the inside depths of the girl that she had never known existed.

As more was told, Madison began to tell Spencer more and more things. She told her how she had dated her brother a year after she left, but had to break up with him because the feeling of being with another girl was overcoming her system. Even though she had never been with another girl physically, she still felt the urge to switch teams. She told Spencer had she had gotten into a passionate friendship with Kyla a couple years ago, but it had been too confusing to her.

Spencer watched all the scenes pass over Madison's eyes and facial expression. She watched how ever five seconds Madison's pink tongue would dip out of her mouth to lick her glossy lips. Spencer didn't try to type everything that the girl was saying up, because in all honesty she just wanted to listen to what she had to say.

"…so, I think that I am gay. I thought what better place to go to seek (air quotes) 'help' was the homo-center itself. You know?" Madison said ending her story. She relaxed back into the chair.

Spencer sat up straight and took her legs down from the top of her glass covered desk. She slipped back on her shoes and smiled at the Latina. "Yes, Madison, what better of a place than the gay center."

"I came here yesterday asking around and they told me to try out the counseling. So, that's why I am here." Madison continued her explanation. The teenage cheerbitch the blond had formerly known was now someone completely different. Like all her other friends, the girl was more mature and established. She was more experienced with the world. i She's not really a bitch either,/i Spencer thought.

There was a soft buzzing coming from the phone in front of Spencer. She pressed the flashing red button and Apple's voice rang out loud. "Excuse me Ms. Carlin, but you have your eleven o'clock Art class in fifteen."

Spencer looked at Madison and mouthed "sorry" before telling the girl that she would be reading for it in five minutes. She pressed the button 'off' and turned her attention back to the former cheerleader. "Sorry, time really flies by."

Madison nodded her head, "Yeah, it does. I'm going to set up another appointment…I mean, if its okay with you."

Spencer nodded her head, "Yeah, of course, I will be looking forward to it."

Spencer smiled shyly at the brunette. She glanced over at her daughter, who had easily entertained herself with her toys before meeting the cocoa colored eyes of Madison.

Madison steps forward. A smile on the girl's glossy lips appeared. "Hey, umm, maybe you would like to get a late lunch after your class?"

Spencer smiled at her and nodded her head. She bent down and picked up her daughter, holding her on her hip. "Yeah, that sounds wonderful. Do you mind if I bring my daughter."

A surprised look came onto Madison's face. She didn't even recognize the child in the room. This caused a chuckle from Spencer. Madison answered, "Ella es muy bella. What's her name?"

Spencer looked at her sleepy daughter, "Maddelena, and she looks sleepy. I think I might drop her off at the nursery before I head down."

"I could take her," Madison spoke up. She saw the confused look in Spencer's eyes. "I have seven nieces and nephews I watch all the time, it is no problem. I could take her with me. I am only going home for an hour, and she can take a nap while I do some work."

Spencer was completely stunned at the girl's attitude. She was even more stunned at how her stomach was bubbly with anticipation and want. The girl looked down at her daughter, who had rested her head on her mother's shoulder. The small child was looking at Madison, examining her with her small brown eyes.

Spencer let a small smile curl onto her face, "Okay, but the class is over at one. She isn't that much trouble either. She'll probably sleep til 12 or 12:30."

Madison let out a small laugh. Spencer furrowed her eyes at her.

"You never left her alone have you?"

Spencer looked down, "I have…"

"With someone other than immediate family?"

"I left her with Sean, my friend Qi, and…her other…Emme."

Madison walked around the desk. She held her hands out, asking for the child. Spencer lightly brushed her lips over the child's forehead before handing the little girl to Madison. She expected crying and grabbing back at her from the baby, but instead the little girl laid her head on the Latina's shoulder and closed her eyes.

"Wow," Spencer let escape her lips. The older girl looked like she was a natural.

The smile on the Latina's lips became bigger, "See, chica, she loves me already."

Spencer bent down to pick up Maddelena's stuff and put it into her diaper bag before handing it to the older girl. Madison took it and put it over her shoulder.

"Her car seat is in my car. It is the red mini cooper parked in the employee's parking lot." She said handing the Latina her keys. Madison took the keys and put them in her purse. She stared back at Spencer giving her a reassuring smile.

"Don't worry, she's alright, and have fun. We will pick you up for lunch."

Spencer smiled at the Latina. Something sparking in her head, something confusing and made her feel like she needed to be the one here. She watched Madison leave with her daughter and closed her eyes. She cursed at herself.

The blond was digging a deep grave for herself.

The laughter of children filled Spencer's ears as she watched all the children attempting to clean up their mess. The two hour class was filled with finger paintings of families and out door scenes by the children. This Art Therapy class was for children of Gay, Lesbian, or Bisexual Parents, but mostly any child was welcomed. Spencer knew that she had tougher classes to deal with, but this was relaxing and entertaining. As she helped several children wash their paint covered hands, parents began to feel the room. As the rainbow colored pain washed down the drain, Spencer pointed the art out to her students. Telling them to watch how the colored swirl together, but don't entirely mix into an ugly color. Ahh's and Ooo's escaped the children's mouths.

As each child finished drying their hands they ran toward their parent's. Spencer, now getting down the line to help the two youngest students dry their hands, she noticed that one was Ashden. She had not paid much attention because her assistant had been mostly working with the youngest students. She went down to his level as the other little boy ran toward his father's. She smiled at Ashden.

"Hey, do you remember me?" Spencer said drying his hands off with a paper towel.

Ashden nodded his head eargerly, "Uh-huh, you're friends with mommy."

Spencer smiled at the little boy as he continued, "You let us come and swim."

"Yes I did, did you have fun?"

"Yup. It was really fun! Can I come back today and swim again?"

Spencer smiled at the child's eagerness, "Not today, but maybe soon. It all depends on what your mommy and daddy says."

"I'll ask mommy, she'll say yes. Daddy doesn't like you that much so I'm not going to ask him." The little boy said gathering his paintings off the easel.

Spencer stood up watching the little boy. She was surprised by his frankness but couldn't say nothing in response.

"I'm so sorry I'm late," Ashley said as she ran into the large room. She came to a complete stop. She looked at Spencer surprised. "Spencer?"

Spencer smiled slightly and waved, "Hey."

Ashden ignored the tenseness between the two and ran into his mother's arms. "Mommy, look what I painteded!"

Ashley picked up the little boy in her arms and settled him on her hip. She corrected her son, "Painted and it is beautiful. I will hang it in the music room when we get home, okay?"

Ashley looked back at Spencer, "You're the new art teacher?"

Spencer nodded, "Yeah, I'm the therapist."

Ashley nodded her head before looking around the room at the changes the blond has made to it a couple days' prier. The big industrial room had easels and stools all around in random places. The back of the room was devoted to the supplies, which was neatly organized by age, use, and color on shelves and tables. There was random painting's scattered around the room. In the front of the room was a large easel and stool facing the rest of the easels. The large industrial windows flooded the room with light. She turned her attention back to Spencer.

"Umm…about the other day," Ashley started, "I was thinking and hoping that maybe we could talk."

Spencer looked at Ashley, she wasn't in the mood to fight at the moment. So she hoped the older girl didn't bring up anything. "Talk? Not yelling? That sounds good."

"Cool, maybe we can do it over lunch?"

Spencer hesitates; she had already made plans with Madison that she didn't want to break. Then again maybe she could patch everything back up with Ashley...

"No."

"No?"

"Sorry, I already made plans."

"Oh, well, maybe another time…"

Spencer watches Ashley leave.


	6. Chapter 6: Dream Girl

I am so sorry about the last chapter. I was very disappointed in it and it was a quick write up. You know how those get sometimes, lol. Today has not been my day. Okay, I just woke up from a nap and wrote this, so I hope that is entertaining. I wanted to give everyone who fed me back a little treat for being so wonderful. So, here is a little something, but I hate to tell you it might be the only spashley moment you will have for a while. The italics are the dreams.

NC-17

Chapter 6

Dream Girl

The pool lights danced as the water moved in the night. Spencer sat on the lawn chair next to the double doors of her bedroom watching the moving water in the pool. She had the doors open so she could hear if Maddelena woke up or not. She sat there; the warm Californian air blanketed her with easy warmth. She had fallen asleep hours earlier in her bed next to her daughter, but was suddenly woken up by a perverse dream. The good thing about having a beautiful back yard with a pool was that you could go back there and relax in the middle of the night without anyone bugging you.

The day had gone surprisingly wonderful. The blond had met up with the wonderful Latina for lunch with her daughter. The Latina was very good with the shy child. Spencer enjoyed watching her play with her. Madison had changed a lot over five years. They had lunch in a small café not too far from the center, hidden away. The two girls caught up on what had been going on over the last five years.

Spencer told Madison about her relationship with Emme and how she and Sean had a one night thing that didn't mean anything but resulted in Maddelena. Madison went into detail how after high school she went to UCLA to study business, and she graduates in May. She still has a job at Grey working every other weekend, but mostly she help Chelsea run her studio. They get on the tender subject of the Davies sister's for a while. Spencer tries to explain to the Latina how she still felt about Ashley, but she knew that it was a fucked up mess. Madison told Spencer about Kyla and how much she wanted her.

After a two hour lunch, Spencer and Maddelena went back to the center. Her and Madison had agreed to start going to lunch or either breakfast with each other on the days Spencer worked. Spencer closed her eyes as she thought, i We both need someone./i

As Spencer's eyes stayed close, pieces of her dream flies to her eyes and plays like movies on the inside of her eye lids.

i _The sun shown into the room creating beams of light around the place. They sat on the wooden floor in front of the open double doors of Spencer's room. Ashley sat next to Spencer smiling at the younger girl. She reached over and moved a stray piece of the blond girl's hair away from her face to behind her ear. Her hand was moving softly down the silky skin to rest on the side of Spencer's throat. Spencer closed her eyes at the sensational spark that brought her. She had forgotten what it felt like for the brunette girl to touch her. Spencer moved into the soft hand. Ashley brought her lips to press against Spencer's throat. _

_Spencer moaned, "This can't be real." _

_Ashley pulled back and grinned at Spencer, "Does it really matter if it is or not?"_

_Spencer chuckled, "It would be nice."_

_Ashley rolled her eyes, "Maybe, but you have a hot girl in front of you and your not going to do anything?" _

_The sun shined over the two girls and Spencer smirked at Ashley. The sound of a neighbor mowing his lawn was evident to the girls, but it went unheard. _

/i _Spencer kept her eyes close. She was afraid that if she opened them, the dream would be lost forever. She pressed her thighs together, trying to ease the raging heat developing between her legs. _

_i The lips of both girls came together in one moment of desperation to touch the other. The drug that both girl's had kicked a long time ago had come back to the other; they had relapsed back into their old addiction. Soft, wet, pink lips traveled down the blonds jaw line, traveling back up to her ear. _

_In a low husky voice the brunette whispered, "I got your favorite food, baby."_

_Spencer moaned, the vibrations of her throat hitting the lips of her other. Ashley pulled back from Spencer and reached to obtain the plate that had rested a few feet from them. She brought it into Spencer's view. The beautifully cut cheesecake sat diagonally on a white plate. She gingerly took the plate from the brown eyed girl and set it down next to them. Spencer put her finger under her chin and brought her lips to her own. _/i

Spencer moaned a little, she could still feel the warm lips on her own. The blonds hand unconsciously traveled through the front of her tank to her right breast to knead it. The wetness flooding in-between her legs became more dominate.

i _Clothes was scattered all around the girls. Spencer straddled the brunette's hips and smiled down at her. Ashley's hair was spread around her head in an attempt to make a halo above her head. Ashley grinded her hips into Spencer. She watched the blonde's eyes close and her chest raise and fall. Her beautiful pink nipples catch Ashley's wanton eyes. Spence opened her eyes back up and see's the want across the brown eyed girls face. Spencer let her hand dance across Ashley's perfectly tanned skin, through the middle of her palm sized breast, down to her toned abs, and back up to stop at the side of Ashley's throat. Spencer bent down to place a chaste kiss on her lips before pulling up and smiling. _

"_You know what would be good right now?" Spencer asked in an innocent voice._

_Ashley glared at her, "You stop teasing me?"_

_Spencer chuckled, "Well, there's that but I was thinking something along the lines of cheesecake."_

_Ashley pouted, which made Spencer laugh even more. Ashley felt Spencer's sex grind into her's when she did that, the warm wetness of Spencer reaching Ashley. _

_Spencer reached over and dipped her finger in the cheesecake, and brought a large amount of it to sit on top. The blond sat the cheesecake on top of Ashley's coral colored nipple. Ashley hissed when Spencer dipped her head down and licked it off of the hard nipple._ /i

Spencer's free hand trailed down past the waist band of her pants, past her panties. She combed her fingers through the little patch of blond curls to the wetness of her pussy. The thought of the naked brown eyed girl beneath her made her flood with wetness. She spread her lips with her fingers and raked them over the little bundle of nerves. Sliding her fingers down her slit to tease her entrance and back up to her clit made the blond hiss in need.

_i Spencer kissed her way down Ashley's torso. She already spent ten agonizing minutes on the girl's breast and ate half the cheesecake in process. She kissed her way all the way down to the girl's line of curls, but moving her kisses to the inside of Ashley's thigh. She didn't want to give the brunette what she wanted just yet. She wanted to play. She ground her own center into her cupped hand, relieving herself a little. _

"_God, Spence," Ashley moaned out loud over the sound of Spencer's wet kisses on her thigh._

_Spencer looked up at her lover, "You called me Spence."_

_Ashley looked down at her confused, "I always call you Spence."_

_Spencer furrowed her eyebrows, "I haven't heard you say it in so long."_

_Ashley cocked her head to the side, "Well, b Spence/b, you are driving me insane!"_

_Spencer smirked slyly at the older girl before bring her hand up to Ashley's pussy. She played with the small amount of curls for a second before pressing own on her clit, bringing a hiss from the brunette's lips. Ashley let her head fall onto the wooden floor. Spencer slid two fingers up and down her slit, opening the girl's lips and teasing her entrance. She began dipping her two fingers in only a half inch into the girl and out, her tongue coming in contact with the girl's hungry clit. _

_Ashley moaned out loud, "Fuck! Spencer please don't tease me."  
_

_Spencer heard her lover's fevered cry of want and didn't want to deny her of the pleasure. Spencer lapped her tongue over the older girl's clit as she pushed in her two fingers into the girl's hot, tight pussy. Ashley's wetness coating Spencer's fingers felt wonderful. Spencer put her free hand under the girl's ass and lifted her up to meet her tongue. Spencer pulled her fingers out of the older girl, hearing a moan escapes her lips. Spencer replaced her fingers with her pink tongue, letting it darts in and out of the girl. She brought her wet fingers to rub small circles around the girl's clit. Ashley's hand traveled down to tangle itself in Spencer's long blond hair and pushed her closer to her pussy. Ashley's head went side to side as her oncoming orgasm filled her body. She grinded her hips into the girl's face and let her free hand come to knead her own breasts. /i_

Spencer pinched her nipple with her left hand as the right one was dipping into her soaked pussy. Her eye scrunched close as she was nearing her orgasm. One finger, two fingers, three fingers was pounding in and out of her wet pussy. She brought her left hand down to run circles over her clit. Her hips were reaching off the lawn chair to meet her hands as they worked in union. She wished so hard, prayed so hard to God that Ashley would show up and be here when she came. She needed the girl so bad right now in this moment. That is why she didn't open her eyes, because if she did she would loose all traces of the girl.

i _Spencer replaced her tongue with the three ready fingers, and placed her tongue against the length of her lover's clit. She pumped her fingers slowly out and then hard in. She curled her finger up to bump against the girl's g-spot. The clicking sound of her fingers slapping in and out mixed with the moans coming from her lover made the blond near orgasm herself. She could feel Ashley's pussy clamp around her fingers and she continued to suck on the girl's clit. As Ashley's body tightened up and a loud "Spencer" escaped her lips, the blond came with her lover. She looked up at the brunette. Her back had arched off the cold floor, her nipples hard, and her breasts supple. Without taking her fingers from Ashley's contracting pussy, Spencer made her way up her lover and kissed the girl. The sun was shinning diamonds on both beautiful girls._ /i

Spencer came back down from her orgasm, her eyes slowly coming open and all traces of her dream locked inside her head, unforgotten. She felt her pussy slowly contracting around her fingers. Sh brought out her hands from inside her pants, the wetness trailing up. She wiped off her fingers on her pants as she sat up on the chair. She brought her knees up to her chest and she looked out over the motionless water of the pool. She licked her lips, a couple stray tears leaving her eyes. All she wanted was Ashley there with her, holding her. Spencer was too realistic to know that it doesn't work like that. It would take a lot of work and sacrifice to get her back to even friend status. She snuffed and turned to look inside her dark bedroom ten feet away. The little girl was still asleep. She turned her face back to the pool. She needed the older girl back into her life, and she would do anything to get her back. Spencer licked her lips. She could taste sex and cheesecake in her mouth.

Okay, I am not that good at smut. One, I am a fucking virgin. Two I never really wrote it before. So, sorry, as Spencer says "I'll get better". Lol I hope this settles you for a while and I hope it was good. I don't know when our next Spashley smut scene will be but I hope not too far away. I know next chapter will answer all your Ashley questions, so if you got them ask away. Then the chapter's following that is going to be wedding/friendship rebuilding. So, please leave me so feedback (love) and tell me what you think, give me suggestions, and tell me how I can make it better. I have made a goal for myself to try to update twice on school days and more on days without school. BUT that is only if I see me some feedback. Thank you everyone who does leave me some feedback and thanks to all who read. I hope to see some from you too, I don't care if it is just a damn smiley.


	7. Chapter 7: Still Walking After You

Chapter 6

Still Walking After You

Sometimes people become attached to another person, so attached that they are entirely blind to the fact. Their attention is handed out carelessly to other people, but the person who needs it most receives only small fractions of it.

Ashley sat at the dark, wood table in the middle size dinning room. All the lights where off except on lit candle resting in front of her on the table. She rested her arms on the cold table and pushed her back against the chair watching the candle flicker light across her face. She was sitting their in a pair of pink Victoria Secret pants and a white cami. Her hair hung down in front of her face, creating a veil between her and the outside.

She had put the children to sleep hours ago, and she had lain down with Aiden a little after that. She was consumed by racing thoughts. Unable to go to sleep, the brunette headed down to rest at the table.

i _Lying all alone and restless, unable to loose this image_

/i

Her mind was stuck on the blond girl who had just showed up out of nowhere after five years without any contact. Her mind couldn't get the girl out; the once innocent girl, who had been dancing around her thoughts, was determined to stay there. As much as Ashley wanted to shake the girl, Spencer was still the only drug that Ashley was addicted to.

Spencer had become Ashley's unspoken weakness. She had left a scare on the brunette's chest, from ripping her heart out when she left. To Ashley's luck, the blond didn't take her heart with her. She left it there for the older girl to put back in her chest. Ashley had slowly stitched up the large cut over the years. Now, she had a long, dark scar on her chest. It was identical to the one Aiden visibly wore on his chest.

Ashley stared at the flickering candle light, memories flooding to the girl's eyes.

i _This portrays a striking resemblance to incidents that I've, I've endured before._ /i

The night of the shooting, one night that had fucked everything up. Aiden had got shot in the heart by a stay bullet. The boy had taken the invasive piece of metal that would have destructively hit the blond. Ashley had witness this scene in pure shock. She remembers that minutes later she was pulled from her shock as the lights from the oncoming ambulance flashed in her face. Quickly, the girl had helped the broken boy up and quickly rushed him to the EMT that was on his way toward them. She knew she should have simply told Spencer that she would be right back, but the thought had lost its way in her mind. When Ashley had come back several minutes later, the blond was gone. Only a few drops of crimson liquid and Kyla rested in her place.

Ashley stared at the light, watching the memories flicker by her eyes as she tried to watch them.

The first week after the shooting no one had told Ashley any news on Spencer. Ashley was running around the hospital a complete mess asking everyone if they saw Spencer Carlin. Her mind convincing her that her blond lover was dead due to the fact no one had told her anything. The fraction of that thought had spread through her body creating the realness of the situation.

She thought her lover was dead.

All her hopes where dead along with her.

After a week, Paula had told the young distraught girl that Spencer wasn't dead. They had no idea where the blond was, but she was no where to be found. This had spark determination into the brunette. Ashley tore the city apart in a matter of days; she was determined to find the blond.

Ashley chuckled at her willpower to find her love. She remembers the thought of once she had found her she was going to hug her, then yell at her, and lastly fuck her brains out. The determination of a teenage girl was strong and untangled with.

Ashley had tried everything she could to find the girl. She searched all of California. When she came back with no information, she and Arthur hired a private detective. The blond was gone, and no trace of her was found. When the detective had delivered this news to them, Ashley completely broke down.

i

_And you walk away you take everything you own for granted._

_And you take everything you own for granted_. /i

Ashley tapped her fingers on the table softly. The memories of her in complete break down mode were still sketchy for her. She remembers she had closed the curtains to the bright California sun, making the room extremely dark. She felt like she had been Alice in Wonderland, tumbling down the rabbit hole. Her existence had slipped between her thin fingers, and she had become a shell. She sat on her bed, in the large room, alone. The only thing comforting her was the memories she had of Spencer.

One night, Aiden had come into the room. He had let a small amount of light in that made the girl 'hiss'. She was lying across the bed, her hair was a mess and she was pale. He had come in there to get her to eat something. He knew the pale, ill, girl needed something to keep her alive. Ashley had gone off on the poor injured boy. She had cussed the boy out, screaming profanities at the boy and screaming that it was his fault. She had screamed that she had hated every fucking one. Ashley had turned into a tornado of destruction out of pure sadness. She had ripped down any picture that had been in her sight, tore up any thing that would remind her of Spencer.

i _Although everything I said was just a picture in my head._

_I think we can make it._ /i

Ashley chuckled at herself. She was amazed how tangled she had gotten. The short lasted relationship between her and the blond had left a long lasting impression on Ashley. The small high school fling was more than anyone thought it could ever be. She was reading a book one day, something that Arthur had told her she should read. It was a book on poetry and proverbs. In one poem, the girl had written, 'when you have someone stuck in your head, maybe they are supposed to be there. When you are young and naïve, things get 'stuck' in your head a lot, but the ones that become a drug to you, the things that feed you, the things that you feed off of…that is when you know you are in love.' The small little poem had said so many things that Ashley needed to read, that she felt. Ashley was young, yes, but she knew that she had fallen in love with the blond.

Arthur was the only one to get to talk to the girl. Actually, he had done most of the talking. He had turned into a father figure in the girl's eyes in one night. He had told the girl that she had to break loose of these ties that she had bound herself of. He gave her rules, and most of all her gave the girl understanding.

It took the young girl a long time to heal her wounds. She had to transcend from a wild child to someone who could depend on themselves in a time of chaos. After that year, Ashley had come back to normal. Yet, the girl wasn't the Ashley she had been prier to the events. She was more mature. She had a powerful persona that couldn't get knocked down anymore. Ashley had turned into stone.

i _And this looks exactly like something that's happen to me before._

_And the letters you've written will never get here_./i

Ashley stood up from her seat; the hard chair wasn't appealing to her anymore. She broke the link to her past memories. They didn't have their grasp on her anymore. They didn't make her feel guilty about choosing Aiden or having a family. They didn't anger her as much to think about the year of desperation she experienced. They where just memories, something insubstantial that could take her back into the past and recreate the scene. Each time though, she would never have the same reaction she had the original time the memories was crated. Ashley had changed. She was cautious, strong, and more mature.

Ashley wasn't going to lie to herself. She had chosen Aiden out of the only fact that she knew Spencer wasn't coming back. She choose him because the fact that she needed someone to take care of her, and he was the only one there doing it. When they had first gotten together, you couldn't tear the two apart. In the beginning it was all about clinging to something real. The relationship was fair. Aiden got the girl and the sex was incredible. Ashley got someone who loved her and protected her.

i _And when you walk away you take everything you own for granted._

_And you take everything you own for granted_./i

Ashley didn't want to take it so far thought that she ended up pregnant and married. She would b never/b regret her children. That didn't mean she didn't regret marrying Aiden though. She still had unconditional feelings for the blond. She had never verbally spoken that to the dark haired man, but it was a known fact. He knew that going into the relationship. That made him resent the girl so much now, made him dislike the blond because he knew if Ashley had the chance she would run back to her in a split second.

Ashley walked into the living room. The curtains were opened and the night sky lit the room. There was a doll tossed on the floor and a random Hot Wheels car on the floor. Pictures filled the room of the large room. Ashley couldn't help looking over the pictures that depicted a happy family. There were pictures from her wedding, to Ashden's birth and first step, to Teigue being born in Ms. Carlin's car, ending with a big family photo of the Carlin-Davies-Dennison families. She smiled at how close she had gotten to the Carlin's.

i _I'm burning up_

_My face is flushed_

_Ohh my fever is rising_./i

The girl stayed close to the family. The girl had multiple reasons to stay close to the family: Spencer, Clay, Chelsea, Siena May, Arthur, and the fact that they had accepted her, Kyla, and Aiden in as their family. Even Paula had taken a liking to the young girl once she had gotten to know her. Arthur and Paula were grandparents to her children, and they were always cheering her on when she needed it. Ashley was lucky to have them in her life. Deep down though, it came back to the blond. If she stayed close to the Carlin's, it was being close to a part of Spencer that was still present.

She knew that it was a wonderful thing that she was so close to the Carlin's was when Spencer walked into that house the other day. At the moment, the brunette was pissed at the girl. Her former lover had walked in with a child and changed. She wanted bher/b Spencer to return to her. All these emotions was clouding her head the whole time Spencer was there; love, hate, anger, happiness, want, and fear. She didn't know how she should react. She could feel the scar on her chest being ripped open and red liquid beginning to pour out.

i Muscles weaken, and I'm leaping at opportunities to touch you.

And it's becoming blaringly obvious that I'm still walking after you/i

The scar continued to get deeper and bigger the day at Spencer's home. The wonderful, sunny day had turned into something that wasn't entertaining. Both girls had so many unsolved problems with the other, and the yelling didn't help. Ashley had been so angered and hurt, and the blond had been the same way as they yelled at each other in the blond's kitchen. Ashley knew that they both truly wanted the same thing. They just didn't know how to achieve it. They could talk, but what about the other obstacles. They had children. Ashley had a husband.

Earlier that day, Ashley had wanted to talk with Spencer so bad. She needed to tell her everything she felt. She needed to be in the girl's presence. When the girl had said 'no', the older girl was devastated. She wanted to make things right so bad that it hurt.

i _I'm still walking after you._

_I'm still walking after you._

_I'm still walking after you._

_After you, after you._/i

Ashley sat on the large gray couch and grabbed the cream colored through that was lying across the back. She tangled herself in the blanket and laid her head against the back of the couch. She had pulled her feet up to her chest. She reached for the universal remote lying on the side table and turned on the radio. The low sound of The Spill Canvas escaped the speakers. She fell into a restless sleep.

"Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!" the hyper three year old boy said jumping onto the couch.

The morning sun was shining into the light colored room as the little boy found his way onto the couch and shaking his mother.

Ashley let out a loud yawn and stretched her whole body before opening her eyes to the bright room. A smile immediately came onto her lips as she saw her son smiling brightly. She had dreamed the most incredible dream that she had ever had in the last five years helped the smile grow bigger on her lips.

"Mommy, daddy told me to come get you to eat breakfast!" The little boy said to his mother. His hair was messy on his head. He wore light blue pants and had no shirt on. His skin was naturally tanned due to his father's skin tone.

Ashley stood up from the couch and the little boy jumped into her arms. She laughed as she followed the smell of bacon into the equally lit kitchen. She saw her two year old daughter in her high chair playing with some fruity cheerios. The little girl's hair untidy, and her hands banged on the high chair happily when she saw her mother.

Ashley smiled at her daughter as she set her son down in his blue booster seat. She walked around the island to where Aiden was cooking breakfast. Ashley stood on her tippy toes to give him a chaste kiss on the check before going over to the coffee pot and getting her a cup of coffee.

"You fell asleep on the couch again?" Aiden asked the brunette.

Ashley nodded from her spot next to him. This had been the fifth time she had fallen asleep on the couch since Spencer returned. She was always so tangled in her thoughts at night to sleep. By the time she had fallen asleep, she was on the couch listening to music.

"Why didn't you come up to bed?" Aiden didn't look at the brunette, but kept his eyes on the food.

Ashley shrugged her shoulders. Aiden continued, "Ashley, I'm worried about you."

Ashley said monotonically, "Don't be."

Aiden slammed down the spatula that he held onto the floor and yelled, "You're my Goddamn wife! I can fucking worry about you anytime I fucking want!"

The sudden rise in noise caused the three younger Dennison's to jump. The two children became teary eyed and the youngest busted out in a loud cry.

Ashley furrowed her brows at him before running over to tend to her children. She took Teigue out of her high chair and cradled her in her arms, bouncing the little girl and cooing her reassurances. Ashden kept his head down, staring down at the table. Ashley ran her free hand through the boy's hair in an attempt to calm the child. She looked at the man who stood ashamed.

"Don't you ever talk like that in front of b**my**/b children," Ashley said in a strong, yet steady voice. She didn't want to scare her children. "That was uncalled for and you know that Aiden."

Aiden looked at Ashley with regret, "I am so sorry, I have no idea what got into me."

Ashley shook her head, "I know what got into you and it was uncalled for, Aiden. You scared the children."

Aiden walked over to his son and touched him, "Hey, buddy, daddy didn't mean to yell."

The boy flinched under his touch and moved away. Aiden took a step back to look at his wife. Ashley held the now hiccupping baby against her shoulder. Teigue's little arms was tight around her neck.

"I'm sorry," Aiden said once more to Ashley.

Ashley took her seat next to her son at the large breakfast table. She smiled at the little boy who smiled softly back at her.

Quietly, the family got through breakfast without making a word. Toward the end of the mean, Aiden spoke up, "Spencer called before you woke up. She wants you to meet her at her office for lunch, and then you'll need to meet Chelsea at the dress shop with the kids."

Ashley's head popped up at the information. Aiden continued in a strained voice, "I told her that you would meet her there at twelve."

Ashley didn't let a smile come across her face. In a monotonic voice, she replied, "Thanks."

This wasn't what I had expected, sorry if it wasn't that good. I just woke up and wrote this. Lol, but it was something. The song in here is by the Spill Canvas (love them), its called Still Walking After You. I was listening to this and had to put it in! So, I hope you guys like it and I should make lots of updates over the weekend. BUT I tell you guys, there must be some feedback. You know I crave that shit like my cheesecake…mmm…cheesecake….mmm on Mandy boobies…..Oh sorry guys ADD moment, lol. Anyway tell me what you think. Thanks to EVERYONE who replies back to my fic! I love you so much!


	8. Chapter 8: Waiting

Chapter Eight

Waiting

Spencer stood in front of the floor length window. She was looking down at the street below her, examining all the people walking by. She raised a hand to shield her eyes from the sun, but they stayed on the people. They looked so happy, so content with their selves and their lives. Being a psychologist, Spencer knew that most of those people weren't very happy. She knew the look of a depressed person with a forced smile. Seeing the people down there, walking with their lovers or friends, gave her a since of hope, though. She wanted to be like that again. She wanted to hang out with her friends or have a lover to hold hands with.

She crossed her arms and turned around to face her glass topped desk. She looked around the office, a large room with a taste of modern, industrial, and artsy. The large painting on her far wall was the main focus point. It was a brightly colored painting of different shapes and designs. The darker colors where overcome by the bright colors. The painting gave a since of happiness.

Spencer's stomach was in knots right now. She had been taking long deep breaths, but that barley calmed her nerves. She had so much on her mind right now; all pertaining to a certain brunette. She was so wrapped up in her thoughts, and her emotions were crawling around her body. This makes it hard to stand right there and look calm. She invited the brunette to lunch today at twelve. She knew that today was the day that she would talk to her about everything. She even took the precautions to put her daughter in daycare today and get the food.

The talk could go two ways today. It can go good and they can make up and be all happy-go-lucky, or it can go terribly wrong and they end up trying to throw the other out the window.

Spencer was in the middle, not leaning toward one side or the other. She had so many different things to consider. So many things that could determine what she wanted what she needed. She needed to do what was best for her.

Was Ashley better for her?

They wouldn't have been here if it wasn't for Ashley's horrible communication skills. Everything began when Ashley didn't communicate with the blond. What made it worse was that she was sneaking around to talk to Aiden. Spencer can remember how she felt when she found out that the older girl had talked with Aiden and not her about things. It is a since of betrayal that hangs over the relationship in a hazy fog. Spencer tried to look at Ashley's point of view with this whole communication thing also. She knew that the older girl might have had reasons that she didn't talk to Spencer, but that still hurt Spencer.

i She must have loved you enough to look for you…/i Spencer thought to herself, taking a seat in one of the low sitting black chairs that was in front of her desk. Her eyes were on the large brown paper bag that contained their lunch.

It is a fact that Ashley had looked for her, but she could have searched longer. She could have looked more places other than California. Spencer knew that if she was Ashley and she had to look for the blond, then the first place would have been Ohio. Plenty of people, old friends, who knew her knew that she loved to travel to Louisville.

She was happy those five years. Of course she had her ups and downs, but she wasn't alone. She had a wonderful companion in Emme. The younger girl had inspired her to do so many things and also taught Spencer so many things. Spencer had been Emme's first in a lot of things also, and had taught her many different things. Spencer did love the girl…ibut she wasn'tb her/b/i. Spencer had Qi when Emme wasn't there, and Qi was a wonderful friend. Not to mention, she also had Sean.

Sometimes when she laid awake at night, in the back of her mind, Spencer sort of hoped that someone would find her and send her home…

But the fact that the older gave up on her spoke to Spencer. It was the fact that the older girl got back with Aiden months after she left spoke even more. Spencer knew that the older girl probably was in a time of need or some shit. With Ashley back with Aiden brought up questions. Was the girl just using her? Was she straight all along? Was she cheating on Spencer when they were dating? Why would she chase after her for so long to cheat though? Thinking about all these questions only caused more confusion for Spencer. Frantically, she throws them out of her head, that wasn't things that she wanted to consider.

There was a soft knock on her door.

Spencer stopped in her tracks. She looked at the door.

She took a deep breath, calming her nerves and clearing her mind.

Saying clearly, "Come in."

Hahaha, I am sooo evil! I know I am. I am gonna write the rest up right now, but it just determines when I post it. I could post it RIGHT after I finished writing it up. Or wait until tomorrow. It just determines the amount of feedback I get back. I love how this story is sparking a 'Team Spencer' and a 'Team Ashley' thing. I love how people are looking so deep into this and trying to analyze everything. It makes me want to write and consider what they have to say. I love all the feedback I am getting and the long postings also. Thank you so much. Please keep it up and I will try to keep up my FOF.


	9. Chapter 9: Vacuum Bag

Chapter Nine

Vacuum Bag

They sat in the low, leather, black chairs as they ate the food quietly. Neither girl knew what to say to the other. They sat there, the silence eating at their organs causing them to not be that hungry.

Both girls took small little glances at the other. Spencer peeked up when Ashley was looking down eating and the same thing with Ashley. They noticed things that were similar or different from five years ago. The way the other ate, or the way the other wore their hair. These things took an effect on the other girl. The things they found similar brought them to reminisce of a certain time or memories. The things that were different broke a little piece of each girl.

Ashley sat her bowel down onto the floor and curled up into the chair. Spencer followed suit, the half eaten bowels went untouched as the girls made themselves comfortable.

"So…"

"So…"

Ashley let out a chuckle, "Umm…So, anything new with you? Well, other than Mad."

i You'll never know what happened to me

It's just one of those things/i

Spencer nodded, "Umm, I have this really cool friend back in Louisville. Her name is Qi and she is this totally cool, Buddhist, lezzie chick. She has been by my side since day one."

Ashley nodded, "So you have a girlfriend."

Spencer shook her head, "Qi? No!"

Ashley chuckled, "Oh, I thought you had a girl."

Spencer pulled at her sleeve and chuckled to herself. Ashley spoke again, "Did you have a girl?" The cautious sounds in Ashley's voice make Spencer look at her. She was surprised at what she was hearing. The girl, who is married with two children, sounds pitiful and jealous.

Spencer looked the brown eyed girl in the eyes, "Yeah. I did."

"What were their names?"

"bHer/b name was Emme."

"Tell me a little about her."

Spencer spoke a little uncomfortably. It was awkward to talk to Ashley about her when all Spencer wanted to do was make out…make up…yes…make up with the girl. "Umm...well…she is a year older than me. We was on and off for the past four and a half years. I lived with her and her family for a long time. She's this crazy cool, free spirited, girl who can make your worst day your best in a split second."

i I was sitting by myself

And my thoughts started pouring out/i

Spencer notice the jealous look on Ashley's face, but she didn't stop talking. She wanted to be completely honest with the girl. "Emme was a wonderful mother to Maddelena. I almost didn't leave because of that, but I had this job. Anyway, we were good…but we weren't meant to be."

Ashley smiled slowly at the blond, sending butterflies into the blond's stomach. Ashley spoke, "Yeah, I get that."

"How about you?"

Ashley replied, "Nothing much, mostly being with the kids, or I am at the studio. I own my own production studio. Mostly I am with the kids at the studio."

Spencer tilted her head to the side, "Do you still sing? You had the best voice."

i Remember that time on our trip

You asked me where we were going/i

Spencer's thought suddenly flashed forward to the dark haired girl and her lying in Ashley's bed. It was a week before they had ran away on their infamous 'road trip'. They lay there, tangled up in the sheets. Spencer was near sleep and Ashley was watching the younger girl. She sang softly to the girl, a song that she had written on the spot. From then on, the blond always requested Ashley to sing her asleep.

Ashley nodded, "Yeah, sometimes…okay all the time. Mostly to the kids though, they love it."

Spencer smiled sweetly at that. She had never pictured the rock princess as a mother, but now it was hard to imagine her as not a mother. She could tell the woman loved her kids.

"Anyway…"

"Anyway…"

Both girls closed there mouth and pressed their lips together. Spencer played with her fingers as she looked down. She thought of some techniques she had learned in one of her classes. She was now happy that Emme had suggested that she major in the same thing she had. The skills that she had learned were not only helpful in her job, but her real life.

Taking a deep breath, Spencer jumped into the icy pool that the girls had let freeze over. "We both have some things that we need to get out there in the open."

Ashley nodded her head, "Yeah…you jump right in don't you?"

i I said Barcelona

You said that's not what I meant/i

Spencer nodded her head a little, but continued. "My problem is that I left because you left with Aiden. Now I know why, but it was more things than just that."

"Spence…"

Spencer cut in, "Now, this is where you say your problem."

Ashley looked at the younger girl. She spoke softly, "You left me…" The hurt in the older girl's voice tore at the place her heart used to be.

Spencer looked down; suddenly an overwhelming feeling of guilt hit her body but then a surge of anger. She looked back at the brunette. Her eyes furrowed, "Yeah, I ran, but you where the one who pulled away."

i Maybe I'll never get it

I just don't think I'm like that

Don't like planning stuff out

It never happens that way/i

Ashley's face hardened, "What the fuck, Spencer?

"You began to pull away right after I came out!" Spencer said standing up, looking down at the girl. She didn't know what stuck her anger, or even why she stood up. She wanted to look down at the other girl, to make herself feel more in control of this situation. "Ashley, when I came out you kept pulling farther and farther away from me. You didn't talk to me anymore, not like you really did, but we didn't communicate. And the fucking thing that was worse..."

Spencer took a deep breath to calm her anger. It didn't help. She continued and her voice rose, "…was how you balways/b fucking ran to Aiden! It wasn't enough to see that fucking video tape, but to know that my girlfriend was always with him talking about things you couldn't tell me. So, yeah, I hurt you by running, but don't forget I had a very damn good reason to run."

Ashley stood up, countering the other girl's anger with her own. As the blond had random tears falling from her eyes, Ashley refused to cry. "Okay, you're right on all that shit. I didn't talk to you. I ran to Aiden because I knew what ever I told him, he wouldn't run from me or hate me or used it against me. bBut/b you fucking ran across the country Spencer. You're a psychologist, don't you think that is a little too dramatic? I mean, you didn't know the whole story and you left without talking to anyone. Common Spencer, dramatic much."

Ashley was now standing behind the black chair, her arms crossed and her full on 'bitchiness' was out.

Spencer stood opposite of her, "I fucking admit it wasn't the best thing to do. I see my faults. I fucked up and I realize that. I should have talked to you. I shouldn't have ran, but I admit that."

Ashley took a breath, "When you left I looked for you."

i Don't hate me, don't regret me, don't ever forget me

Wherever you go, whatever you do, don't say I never loved you/i

"I know," Spencer spat out. That was also a tender subject, "Ashley why did you only look for a month? Why only in California? I barley lived in California for no more than seven months, why the fuck would I run somewhere around here?"

Ashley didn't know what to say. So, she stayed silent and watched the angry blond. Red rose color had come upon the blond's cheeks. Her breathing was even as Ashley watched her chest rise and fall.

Spencer continued, "Okay, let me ask you an easier question. Why did you marry Aiden a fucking year after I left then? Mmm?"

i Even then you knew what you wanted

Even then I had no clue

I was just living in the moment

And the moment was all about you/i

Ashley looked at her, a nerve has been hit because Ashley's face got more red. "Why? What the fuck Spencer, you had left me and I was a total fucking mess. bHe/b was the only one there with me 24/7 taking care of me, making sure I didn't do something stupid. He's my fucking safety net, Spencer. He caught me when I fell, and I fell fucking hard."

Ashley was now banging her fist on the top of the chair. She was angry that the blond had done this. She hated this. All she wanted was things back to how they used to be…

The thought of her and Spencer riding down an empty highway, singing to the radioiFree/i, the brunette thought. Her face softened as a memory came upon her. They were so happy. She could still feel the warmth that had traveled through her hand as the blond held onto it as they drove. The wind had blown through their hair, and the scent of freedom was in the air. She can still smell the open air of the high way.

i Remember that time in LA

You asked me what we were doing

I said we're doing fine

You said here we go again/i

iRemember the good times we had together, forgive each other of our faults,/i Ashley thought to herself. She wrapped her arms around her self. The soft cotton material of her red tank top was pressed between her fingertips. She looked at the blond. She new the girl didn't want to go through this fight. She knew that they where both hurt and that by doing what they're doing wasn't helping.

Ashley felt a tear drop from her eye. She whipped the wet tear from her cheek and looked at it. The wet substance was invisible to her eyes. She looked at the angry blond once more, "Spencer." The word easily slipped from the girl's lips as if she had been saying it her whole life. "We both hurt each other. We can't change the past, we shouldn't even try. We realized what we both did wrong. Now, let's try to move on from it."

Spencer looked shocked. She looked like she had just seen a dead caucus out in the middle of Rodeo Dr. The words that were seeping out of the brunette's mouth sounded like the only words that make since. Spencer took in every word she had said, and drank it up like water. Ashley was right. They yelling and screaming was useless. They were making it more complicated than it should be. They had added more problems into the equation than there needed to be.

i I'm like a vacuum bag

That holds all that old dirt

Remember that time we said we'd be together forever?/i

Spencer remembered some little thing that she had saw on Oprah and she was compelled to say it aloud. Her face was now her usually pale color and her stature was relaxed. "Forgiveness is letting go of the hope you could change the past."

Ashley smiled at that, "I can let go if you can…"

"It's already gone," the blond said.

That was the end of that fight. Spencer was amazed at how much easier it was to not dwell and just let go. People complicate things too much by just holding on to the problems and clawing at it until they bled. Instead, they should let it go and le tit heal. She had learned something new that was very valuable. But that still didn't fix the feelings that both girls had.

Ashley took a seat back in her chair. An accomplished smile on her face, "That was easy…"

Spencer followed the older girl's suit, "That was really easy. I mean, I'm still hurt, but it's just gone."

Ashley nodded, "Yeah, it still hurts."

i 'Cause it matters to me

Can you hear me?

Everyday I ask the same thing/i

Spencer looked over at the brunette. Her hair was now down in her face, the light curls in it reminded her of Ashley in high school. She looked down at the girl's black chucks, the same ones that she had written on too long ago. Spencer remembers that Ashley refused to wear the shoes after Spencer wrote on them. She said she didn't want them to get dirty, because if they got dirty, then she would have to wash them. Spencer had just laughed at the girl.

Spencer stood up; she took a step toward the girl and met her brown cocoa eyes. In this second, the girls made eye contact and Spencer bent down and embraced the smaller girl. The first kind of physical contact they had had in five years. Ashley wrapped her arms around the taller girl. The electrical shock that was running between both the girls, pulling them closer together, was strong. If anyone had touched them in that second, they would have been electrocuted to death.

Just as easily as the hug began, it ended too soon. Spencer pulled back, Ashley slowly letting go. Spencer took a step back and straightened her shirt. She had to get control of her self. She breathed and smiled lightly at the older girl. There was still so much want, so much need between them it made it hard to not jump each other. They knew the other had the same thoughts, but they didn't know what to do about the thoughts.

i Will you ever know what happened to me?

It happens everyday

And you wonder what went on/i

It could be very simple. People get back together all the time, even when they did have children. But both women knew that it was too soon, and that it simply wasn't the time.

That didn't stop Ashley from asking the question that both had on their minds, "Where do we go from here?"

As the words slipped out of the girl's mouth, so many different possibilities showed up in Spencer's mind. She thought that she would have to get a bigger house, the two bedrooms wouldn't be ideal for five people. She would have to still be on good terms with Aiden, because she knew that Ashley would want him in the kid's lives… Wait. Spencer shook her head as her thoughts were racing far to ahead of herself. They were friends now, nothing more, not until they could figure out how to deal with this whole situation.

As Spencer was about to answer the question, Ashley's phone rang. Ashley hurried and took the small black cell from her pant's pocket and put it to her ear.

"Hello?" The older girl answered and paused. "Oh, fuck, sorry… I will be there in twenty minutes… Okay… love you too…bye"

Ashley hung up the phone, "Sorry, that was Chelsea. She needs the kids at the dress shop to check their sizes."

Spencer smiled at her, "Its okay, she wants Mad and I to come down later on and do it. Gotta love a good wedding, you know?"

Ashley nodded her head, "Yeah. So…umm…when can I see you?"

Such an innocent question, but to Spencer it sounded like a come on.

She smiled, "Anytime."

i It's there and then it's gone

Maybe I'm sentimental

And I start to reminisce

And every time I do

I still want to tell you this/i

Okay, here you go. I know this was a little too quick of a talk and a little too easy, but I am sick and tired of people making such a major deal of things they cannot change…lol anyway, leave me some love people. You know I thrive off it. I hope this was good. I don't know. I like it. Now I need to know how to get them together…lol I will figure out a way. Thanks to all you on and who have reviewed. I do FOF on the spashley board and feel bad not doing it for you. Please know that I love you guys just as much and I appreciate everything that you have wrote me and I listen! So, thank you and please keep giving me feedback.


	10. Chapter 10: Family Night

Chapter Ten

Spencer held the little girl on her hip as she reached into the car for her diaper bag. Spencer was just getting back from her shopping trip with Madison when she received a call from Chelsea asking her if she wanted to join them for family night at the house. Spencer easily accepted the invitation.

After the shopping trip, Spencer went home to get ready. The young mother only had an hour before she had to get to the house. She had jumped into the shower with Maddelena and got dress quickly. The mother had subconsciously wanted to look good. She knew that Ashley would be there. She hadn't talked to the girl since their talk four days before. She was too afraid to call the girl, and she guessed that was the same reason the girl hadn't called her. Aiden picked up Ashden from Art class, so Spencer didn't get to see the brunette.

Spencer had put on a simple pair of low cut, tight jeans, with a tight blue shit that showed her mid drift. She let her wet hair flow freely down her back. Spencer had put an adorable cotton kimono she had bought on her shopping trip on the youngest Carlin.

Spencer shut the door to her mini cooper and began walking up the driveway. She knew she was the last one there. The four cars parked in the driveway and along the street told her that information. It felt like a burst of deja vu hit the girl. The whole walk was so familiar, like she had already lived this day. The knot in her stomach began to tighten and nervousness came upon the emotional girl. She was suddenly walking into a room full of people who was completely different from what she known. Of course, she had gotten to know each person a little better. It still didn't make it any easier.

She politely knocked on the door. She didn't really know why, it was her parents' house after all. She kissed her daughter on her head and smiled at the little girl. A toothless grin appeared on the little girl's lips as her mother pulled back. If anything was set in stone, it was her love for her daughter. The amazement that she could love someone this much had boggled Spencer's mind. She never thought that she was capable of loving her as much as she did. It was to the point Spencer almost cried seeing the little girl who was constantly with the woman.

The door opened and pulled Spencer back.

The little four year old girl stood inside the house with the door opened. Spencer smiled at her niece as she walked in.

"Hey, Siena," Spencer greeted the little girl as she helped her shut the door. The little shy girl had warmed up to Spencer. She had also taking a quick liking to Maddelena.

"Hello, Mad looks really pretty today," the little girl said smiling up at Spencer.

Spencer smiled and followed the little girl through the living room to the dinning room, where everyone was situated at.

"Hey," Spencer said standing in the door way. She was now self-conscious in front of her family members and friends.

Arthur stood up, offering his daughter his seat. Spencer smiled at her father as she took the seat in-between Paula and Kyla. She was quiet, not knowing what to say due to the fact the brunette was situated diagonally across from her. Also, the fact that Aiden was sitting right across from her with Teigue resting on his lap. Spencer set the diaper bag on the floor and rested Maddelena in her lap. Clay continued his talk on what the guys was going to wear at the wedding and that they needed to get fit for their tuxes since the wedding was only nine days away.

Spencer couldn't help but look at Ashley under her eyelashes. She examines the easy going look in he girl's eyes as she watches Clay talk. The brunette had her son in her lap, the little boy drawling contently. She had her hair in a light curl, some stray strands was curling into her face. Her eyes held something different from the last time both girls were in the same room at the Carlin home. Instead of anger and hurt, they were a simple contentment imbedded in her eyes. Spencer's eye's noticed a bracelet on Ashley's wrist that was sitting on the table. It was the same bracelet that Ashley had given to the younger girl five years ago.

Ashley turned her head toward the blond. Spencer quickly advert her eyes to look at Clay. She didn't want to get caught staying over the older girl. When she glanced over at the older girl, a smile was evident on her face.

Spencer's heart skipped a beat noticing the smile. All she wanted to do was to fix this where she could be back with the brunette but it was so hard to find a plan to fix it. She knew that it would be much easier if Aiden wasn't in their way, if Ashley wasn't married. She knew that people get together all the time when they were married, but it was just to damn hard. iWhy can't we just get together?/i

"Spencer," Chelsea said breaking the girl from her thoughts. "How does it feel being back in Los Angeles?"

Spencer focused her attention to the dark skinned artist. Spencer smiled at the girl, "It has been wonderful. I have a great job and it is very child friendly, so I can keep Mad with me all the time."

Kyla jumped into the conversation, "So, what have you been up to since I saw you the other day?"

Spencer looked at the younger Davies sister. They had had lunch a couple days ago. Since they worked right across the street of each other, it made it easy for them to meet up at the other's work. "Oh, nothing really, I went shopping with Madison earlier today."

Kyla smiled at the name, "Really? How is she? I haven't spoken to her in a long time."

"She's doing great; you two should get together and have lunch sometime." Spencer mentally kicked herself at how forward she sounded.

"Yeah, give her my number later. I would love to get together." Kyla said combing a piece of her brown hair behind her ear.

Ashley was cleaning the dishes as Spencer walked into the kitchen. She had let her mother hold her daughter so she could take a break from everyone. She was starting to feel more comfortable around everyone. During dinner, everyone got on the topic of Hilary Clinton being the president and how the Cults had own the Super bowl again. Spencer had joined in on all the talking while Ashley was quiet and played with her son while they ate. Everyone had left to go into the living room to play Halo when Spencer decided she needed a break.

Here she was.

Standing behind the brunette, the only thing she wanted to do was walk behind her and wrap her arms around her lithe waste. It took her so much self-control to just stand in her spot and cleared her throat. She wanted the brunette to know that she was there, but she didn't want to scare her.

Ashley turned around from the sink and smiled, "Hey."

Spencer stepped forward, "Hey yourself, haven't spoken to you for a minute."

Ashley continued to smile at the blond, her smile was infectious for the blond. Ashley spoke, "Yeah, sorry, I was just…"

"Scared," the blond finished for her. She walked over to the counter and took a seat.

Ashley nodded, "Yeah."

Spencer nodded her head a little, "Me too."

Ashley cocked an eyebrow, "Really?"

"Yeah, I was scared. I mean, I'm not scared of you…but more of us."

iThere isn't no 'us',/i Spencer thought sadly.

"We're in a confusing thing aren't we?" Ashley asked as she wiped off her hands on a dish towel and looked the blond in the eyes.

Spencer nodded.

There was a strong silence in the room. Spencer didn't know what to say to make this situation anymore comfortable. She could easily play it off, that would be the easiest way in doing it. She could masquerade as the older girl's friend and pull all her feelings away and lock them up. But in the end who would that help? End the end they both will get fed up with hiding their feelings and will still want to do something about it. She knew it wasn't possible to just jump in back where they used to be, but she also knew that it wasn't going to help them to ignore this situation.

Denying themselves of their feelings was ignorance.

Spencer played with her hands as she looked into Ashley's brown orbs. There was n understanding between them, like they could easily read each other's thoughts. Spencer would gladly run back to the older girl, but the cards where in Ashley's hands at this moment. She had to choose what she wanted to do. Did she want to live the masquerade as 'Happy Family' with Aiden, or did she want to live her life with Spencer. This was something that the brunette needed time to think out. She already knew what she wanted, but she needed to figure out how to achieve it. Spencer was going to give her that time to figure it out. She couldn't do anything else.

"Do you want to have a play date for the kids at my place?" Spencer asked, trying to break the silence.

It was the first thought that she had in her mind that could include the children into both their lives. iStart out small,/i Spencer thought to herself.

Ashley smiled, "Yeah that sounds great. How about Monday?"

Spencer nodded her head, "Yeah, that sounds great."

They smiled at each other before breaking out in laughter at the whole tenseness being broken. Their laughter rang through out the house. It was real and genuine.

Aiden watched this whole scene from the doorway.

I thought I would love and update for you. It's an okay chapter, just something I wrote last night at 3am. Lol, I got the next chapter already planned out and halfway written. I also got a song for the very last chapter I am every going to write but you will have to wait a while before I give out that info. The song will tell the ending haha. I love you guys and thanks for the feedback. I am a little disappointed to see all these lurkers and them not feeding me. I mean, don't get me wrong, I am happy you read. But I also write for byou/b guys and not getting no love in return. Like all the authors around here, I would appreciate my love returned. But thanks for reading still.


	11. Chapter 11: Bound To Happen

Chapter Eleven

Bound To Happen

The moonlight floored into the master room, feeling the room with a glowing light. The curtains opened, forgotten to be shut before going to bed. The large balcony doors where safely locked, but it didn't keep the invading moon light from coming into the room. Aiden cursed himself that he didn't close the curtains. He lay on his side facing the assaulting light. It was preventing him from falling asleep. He glanced over at the clock; it flashed three in the morning in a lustrous green light. He could feel the lithe, warm body curled up a foot next to him. His surprise that the girl hadn't upped and left already to sleep in Teigue's room had surprised her. She had moved from the couch to the laying with her daughter in her full size bed down the hall.

b **Although you're sleeping right next to me**

**Well, it feels like you are wide awake in a distant dream**/b

Aiden knew that the young girl had spent most of the day with a certain blond. She didn't deny it and he didn't ignore it. He knew that they hadn't done anything too drastic because they both had the children. She didn't come home late, until nine. He had been sitting in the entertainment room reading a sports magazine waiting for her. He was honestly worried about her. She should have gotten home before the kids bedtime. Instead, the young mother was an hour late. She had quietly carried both sleeping children in the house as quietly as she could. Hearing the car pull up, Aiden had met her at the door and taken Ashden from her. He put the small boy up as she did the same with Teigue.

When asked why she had been late, she just waved it off. Aiden pushed her, even though he knew he shouldn't. His jealousy and fear was clouding his eyes from what he already knew. They got into a small argument again, this time in hushed tones so they wouldn't wake their sleeping children. Ashley had came out and said that they hadn't done anything, bSpencer/b wouldn't let it go that far. She told them that they had lunch at a local café. She said that Spencer had converted the second room into an Art Studio and they painted with the kids and worked on little things. They had swam and hanged out at Spencer's house. She had cooked dinner and they lay low the rest of the night. Aiden believed the girl; he knew that she would tell him the truth. There was nothing to hide.

b **leading a life that is finally free**

**of these endless nights and countless fights that turn us into**

**who we hate to be**/b

Aiden knew that his wife, the woman he loved, was in love with another woman. He knew that going into this relationship, but that didn't make it anymore harder on the man. He knew that one day this would happen, that his wife would find her love once again and soon leave him. He promised himself that when this happened he would be the respectful man and let her do it. That didn't mean it wouldn't hurt, especially now that they have built a life together. When they had gotten married, he didn't expect it to go this far. He expected someone to tell Ashley where Spencer was or the blond to come home sooner. He didn't expect the two would be happily married, leaving in a large, elegant home, and having two beautiful children together. If the young girl wasn't allergic to dogs, they would have that too.

Aiden had tried so hard to be the perfect husband and father. He tried so hard even though in the end, there will be no reward. His life had dramatically changed when he had gotten shot in the heart. While, it had actually changed when the blond girl had came to Los Angeles. If she had never came then Ashley would have never feel in love with her and she would still love him. He hoped that she would have loved him. Instead the blond bdid/b come and Ashley bdid/bfall in love with her. He had even liked the girl. When Aiden had seen that speeding bullet moving toward them, he had jumped into Spencer's way. He knew that his heart could take the pain of a bullet hitting it.

The pain of the bullet continued through out his life. His basketball career was over, due to the fact he was easily out of breath. So, instead of becoming a famous basketball star, he returned to King the next year as the coach. He also began working in the UCLA fitness department. The pain of not pursuing his life dream hurt him, but he had the girl. He married the young girl, and that made the pain fade over the years. The joy of his children being bored made the pain disappear.

He tried hard to please Ashley over the years, mentally and physically. She never asked much out of him, in fact she never asked him for anything. He knew that Ashley was an independent woman. She worked and she took care of the children at the same time. She had inherited the house from her father, so they didn't have house payments. They paid their own car payment, and she used her trust fund to pay the utilities. He was just there as her companion, someone who wouldn't leave the girl, someone she could lean on.

There was no doubt in the dark haired man's mind that he wasn't a wonderful father. He loved his children more than anything or anyone, including himself. It breaks his heart when he yelled in front of his children. He didn't want to intentionally do anything to disappoint or hurt them. It amazed him that he had all this love in his body for the two children. When they had Ashden, the love was overwhelming and he wanted to stay with his son all the time. He remembered how he would always check up on his son in his bassinet next to their bed. He just wanted to make sure the little boy was breathing. When he found out Ashley was pregnant again, he was afraid that he wouldn't be able to love the new baby as much as his son. Like most parents, this was a worry for them.

When Teigue was born, he was amazed how his heart instantly grew to love her just as much as Ashden. Aiden chuckled at the thought of his children. Staying up all night with them, changing diapers, and all that was easy compared to naming his children. Ashley needed original and out-there names. Aiden had wanted to name Ashden after him and Ashley simply denied it before it came out of his mouth. She met him in the middle with the mix of both their names. With Teigue, she had it already figured out and Aiden didn't argue with her.

To any other woman, he was the perfect man. He was a magnificent father, an astonishing lover, a brilliant husband. He was in all aspects of the word 'perfect'. But the man knew that he wasn't the one she wanted. He knew that he was just her safety net.

b **And this is so difficult for the both of us**

**I know we tried so hard, there's just no hope for us**/b

He knew that there was no hope of the future he had hoped would happen. He hoped that the blond would never return so that he could have his perfect family, his perfect life that he had been living the past three years with. He could never deny Ashley the happiness that the girl deserved. She had never done anything to wrong him; she didn't come into this relationship with lies. He knew that she only married him as her safety net, something to catch her as she fell. He believed that she had loved him in an earthy way.

Aiden slowly and cautiously got out of the bed without waking the brunette up. The cool breeze in the house had hit his bare chest as he padded across the cold hardwood floors to walk out of the room. He slowly walked down the hallway, passing pictures of the happy family. He stopped at the first door that led into his daughter's room. He stood in the door way. The door that was open had "Princess" nicely painted on it in large, purple, cursive writing. There was a night light on the table next to the bed. There was a lampshade on it that spiraled around the light and splashed moons and stars across the room.

He smiled at the sleeping little girl. She was cuddled up in a small, tiny ball in the center of the large bed with a small ruffed up dog in her arms. The child looked peaceful and content. Could he give up this privilege of always being here for his daughter? Could he give the right to check up on his daughter in the middle of the night to someone the little girl wasn't familiar with?

Aiden left the door way to move across the hall to his son's room. Like the little girl, the boy had his name painted on his door in bold green letters. The same kind of night light was turned on in the boys room, airplanes was flying all around the room. Aiden saw the small mess the boy had made that morning. There were his dinosaurs and blocks scattered around the room. He smiled at the little's boy. Ashden was spread across his bed, his covers kicked down to his feet. He didn't know if he could give this up.

b **Well it's more than a shame that we lost to this game**

**All my walking, talking, sleeping, breathing -**

**nothing will ever be the same**/b

Aiden moved out of his son's doorway and continued down the hall. He opened the large door that led into his office. He had to get something to drink. It was Ashley's idea to put a mini fridge in this office and the music room. "We're always thirsty," was the words that Ashley had spoken. Aiden grabbed a water from the fridge and took a seat in front of it. If someone had seen him, setting there on the floor, they would have thought he looked like the epitome of pathetic. He didn't care. He was content with setting in front of this small, white fridge and enjoying the tasteless beverage.

It was a shame that things didn't go his way. That he didn't get to keep his family. "They haven't left you yet, asshat." The man thought to himself. He knew that Ashley would leave him eventually. If she didn't, then he would make her. He wanted her to be happy most of all. He didn't want the girl walking around this house, acting as if she was happy. That would be a lie, and their marriage was not built on it.

He drank the rest of the contents of the bottle before getting back up and tossing it into a small garbage can next to the fridge. He padded his way quietly back into the bedroom. Ashley had turned on her side, facing the window. He walked over to his side of the bed where he could see her face. He gingerly took a seat on the bed.

b **For what it's worth, I've always admired you**

**I always thought that we could make it through**/b

He looked down at her. Her face was calm and content. She was still curled into a small ball, keeping herself warm underneath the covers. He moved a stray hair that had fell into her face. He always thought that this wouldn't happen. In the back of his head he thought they could make it through anything. When Teigue was born he thought that it was final. She was never going to leave him. Instead, the little voice that always told him it would happen was right.

He lay down in the comfortable bed. Aiden turned onto his side, facing the brunette. He wanted so bad to take the girl into his arms. At least one more time. He remembered when the young mother used to cling to him in her sleep. She had held onto him as if he was her life saver. In some since he had saved her from herself after Spencer left. When they had gotten together he never left her side. He was her support, her rock. He would wrap his arms around her lithe body and protect her from the outside world. He held onto the girl. Her need wasn't the only thing that kept his arms around her. He held onto her because at the time she was his.

**b **

**I used to hold you like it's all that I had**

**Now begins the falling out, we are like a passing fad**/b

He remembers when they first had Ashden. They would lay in bed with the small swaddled baby in the middle of them. They would talk about anything that would hit their mind. Aiden had loved the way that she had smiled at him. It was even better when him and Glen would sit and talk. Glen would tell him hat the young mother had begun grinning when his name had been mentioned. It was the 'honeymoon' year for them. They had just gotten married and Ashden was born. He remembered that he was worse. Whenever he saw, smelt, or heard anything that had reminded him of the girl, a smile would curl onto his lips.

b**Your mouth would crack a smile if I were spoken of**

**'Till tonight you never thought**

**you'd lose this epic battle with love**/b

She didn't move closer to him. She didn't even seek comfort of his body heat. She just slept there, a small unnoticeable smile on the girl's face. Aiden couldn't live like this. He couldn't keep going with the thought that his wife was in love with another woman. He couldn't deny the girl of the happiness she had so unselfishly gave him over the years. He wanted to be selfish. He wanted to be so fucking selfish. He wanted to be the one to have the girl in the end. He wanted to be the one to have the happy ending. He couldn't have this ending though, when he knew that she wasn't happy.

He knew that he cloud continue making her happy; continue giving her a wonderful life. But he knew she wouldn't be fully happy, that she would regret everything. He didn't want her to be regretful.

b **Although you're sleeping right next to me**

**Well, it feels like you are wide awake in a distant dream** /b

By admitting and realizing everything that he knew that would happen and that had never stopped, Aiden was freeing himself. Slowly, he was starting up the process to do the right thing and to starting his life anew.

b **leading a life that is finally free**

**of these endless nights and countless fights that turn us into**

**who we hate to be **/b

He admired the girl for her strength. She had gotten over Spencer leaving her. She had become a wonderful wife. She had to grow up fast and she never complained that her life was hard or disappointing. She was a wonderful mother to the children. He admired the girl for being who she is. He admired her for not lying to him. He admired her for her sincerity and for her passion. He would miss her also. He loved her. He can't lie to himself. He iloves/i her.

The time that they had been together had pulled them together. It had made both of them stronger. Time had helped build him the perfect life. It was a beautiful masterpiece. The children, the wife, the home, the job, the whole life was a magnificent painting that was now being smashed in front of his face. He knew that this would happen, and he couldn't even try to protect it. He couldn't prevent it.

b **Now look what time can do**

**It took our masterpiece we built and broke it in two**

**I always believed in you**

**I always loved you**/b

Aiden turned back facing the window. He pulled up the blankets on both of them, so they could hide from the cool air. He had tried so hard in this relationship to try to make it work. He tried so hard to be the one she loved. He knew she tried so hard for him to love him. He knew that she was trying so hard to deny herself of happiness. There was just no hope for them. It was useless to waste all this time. All this time she could be freely rebuilding her relationship with the blond, where she could freely try to get their relationship back and even better than it once was. He could be moving on, and hopefully he could find someone who would love them equally back.

b **And this is so difficult for the both of us**

**I know we tried so hard, there's just no hope for us**

/b

Tomorrow morning he will call Glen. He'll ask if he can stay in the spare room until he could find his own place. He'll leave a note for his wife. Aiden knew he couldn't tell her face to face. He knew that it would be too hard for him. So, the better option was to leave her a letter. Better yet, he would leave it on a video for her. It had been their way of leaving little notes to each other over the years. He would tell her all the things he is feeling. The only thing he will ask of her is to be able to see his children; he refused to not be able to see his kids. The sooner that he started this transition into the moving on process, the easier it will be on everyone.

b **Well it's more than a shame that we lost to this game**

**All my walking, talking, sleeping, breathing -**

**nothing will ever be the same**/b

Aiden slowly closed his eyes, sleep coming quickly upon him. The man turned around and gingerly laid an arm across Ashley's form. She didn't move away from him, but welcomed the heat. This was the last time he would hold his wife. This was bound to happen.

W-o-w, I bet you didn't expect that to happen. An all Aiden chapter. I felt compelled to devote a chapter to him. I think this is the best one I have written. All the detail and feelings. I feel happy writing this lol. Thank you everyone who have reviewed, I hope more people will do it. I don't care if it is even a smiley. I have one more chapter already written up and I plan to write tomorrow. It just determines how much feed back I get for me to post. Anyway, I am sooo tired. Love you! Thanks for reading! I want to give a shout out to the people at South of Nowhere Online. YOU GUYS SO ROCK AND I LOVE YOU! I also love everyone at You rock also!


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

Ashley sat quietly at the dinning room table; the sun was trickling in through the open windows. The bright sun was warm against her skin as she sat there with her hands folded on the table. She was absolutely speechless. She didn't know how to react to this situation, nor did she know what she should do. The video of her husband saying all the things that she would be pleased to hear, he had said and more.

When she had woken up this morning, the first morning she had woken up in her own bed in the last couple weeks, Aiden had been gone for at least an hour or so. She had made her way down the steps into the dinning room when she saw a rose and her iPod on the table. On her iPod cover, there was a blue sticky note that said 'Play'.

With a smile on her face, she pressed the button expecting something romantic from the man. Instead, on the small screen, Aiden sat at his desk. His face was completely neutral, she could not read it. He spoke each word with a certain amount of meaning that hit Ashley hard. Ashley had sat down in the nearest chair and listened intently. He spoke for twenty minutes before closing the video.

"I'm not sorry for doing this, Ashley. It is for the best. I cannot live a lie, and neither should you and the children. You deserve to be happy. It's better to start now, before it gets too complicated. I love you. I love the children with all my heart. Ash, just please be happy." The video cut off and the screen went black before it went to the main menu.

She didn't know what to say, what to do. She just sat there stunned.

Small feet padded across the dinning room floor, pulling the young girl away from her thoughts. Ashden held Teigue's hand as they made their way to their mother. Both children looked like they just had gotten out of bed. Their hair was tossed about, and their clothes where scrunched up.

Ashden looked at his mother, "Mommy, where's daddy? He didn't wake us up."

Ashley felt her heart drop at the wondering voice of her son. She had no idea what she was going to tell her children. They were young, but they still know that their father wasn't there. Was her happiness better then her children's? Now she was just being dramatic, she knew that they still can be happy. She also knows that Aiden would still be in their lives. They were his whole world.

Ashley got down to their level, "Babies, daddy's not going to sleep here anymore."

Ashden looked up with wide dark eyes. Although he was more of a mommy's boy, he still loved his father. "Did daddy go away?"

"No, baby, Daddy is just going to live in another house. He will still come and see you and take you places," Ashley tried to explain to the little boy. She glanced at her daughter who stood there unnoticing. The little girl, who just turned two, didn't realize that her father was not going to live with them anymore. While, Ashden, understood that detail.

Ashley took her children in her arms and embraced them. She needed them to know that they was still loved.

Ashden pulled from him mother a little to look at her, "So, he's not gonna leave us forever?"

"No, baby, he isn't."

"Good," The little boy said smiling. "So…can Ms. Carlin and Mad come over today and play with us then?"

Ashley chuckled at the little boy and then went quite. Spencer….

Spencer followed Ashley into the kitchen with Maddelena on her hip. Ashley had called her earlier to ask her if she had wanted to come over to her place to have another play date with the kids. Spencer had gladly accepted the offer. She set the diaper bag on the table and smiled at the two Dennison children coloring quietly on the breakfast table.

Spencer turned her attention back to the brunette. She wore simple gray sweat pants and a white cami. It appeared that she, nor the children, had changed out of the pajamas yet. This made Spencer's smiled grows bigger. While Ashley turned to get her a bottle of water, Spencer let her eyes rake over the brunette's luscious body.

"Umm, Spencer?" Ashley said trying to get Spencer out of her gaze. An amused smile was evident on the older girl's face.

Spencer snapped out of her gaze and a red tent came onto her cheeks.

She took the bottle, "umm, sorry, just thinking. You know how that gets…So, where's Aiden?"

Ashley looked at the little girl in Spencer's arms and smiled. Maddelena had her eyes focused on the two children coloring. He soft, reddish brown curls was pulled back into a small ponytail by a red ribbon. Spencer had her dressed in a multi-colored jumpsuit. Her eyes went back to the blue forget-me-nots that was staring into her's.

"He..well..he left," Ashley confessed.

Spencer nodded her head, "Oh, where'd he go? His he going to be back soon?"

"No, Spencer, he left. We're separating." Ashley said looking down at her feet.


	13. Chapter 13: Shh Shh Sweet Baby

Chapter 13

Shh Shh Sweet Baby

The soft cushion of the stool Spencer sat on gave a since of comfort to the girl. She was sitting facing Ashley; her daughter was in her hands. Spencer was intrigued by all the words that were coming out of Ashley's mouth. Aiden had left the older girl and she was finding out why. The first thing on Spencer's mind was joy. This meant that they actually have a chance, some sort of chance, to get back together. This meant that they could be happy, together.

Ashley was playing with her fingers, she was obviously nervous. The blond watched the brunette deeply. She saw the furrow of the girl's eyebrows as if she was having an inner argument with herself. To Spencer, the brunette was beyond beautiful no matter how she looked. Her inner spirit was enough beauty to burn the girl, and in the past it has.

Ashley started out quiet, glancing over at her children. "I don't know where this came from. I mean, I thought everything was good, wonderful in fact."

Spencer just stared at her, her ears open and ready to hear what the girl had to say. She bounced Maddelena on her knee when she began to get wiggly.

Ashley continued, "I mean, he didn't show any sign of this. But he said so much stuff in that video. He started out telling me how much he loved me. He told me that since that day we met in forth grade he loved me. He said that that I was so intriguing in my rocker tee and chucks."

Spencer could imagine Ashley as a little nine year old forth grader. Her long brown locks and big brown eyes would charm anyone. She smiled as she can imagine the young rebel sitting in the back of her class not entirely listening to the teacher. She wished that she could have grown up with the girl, that she would have known the girl their entirely life. She knew if that had happened, then she and Ashley would have been inseparable.

She turned her attention back to the older girl, "He said that he had been happy you left."

Spencer's eyes furrowed, then again if it had been the other way around she would feel the same emotions.

"He said that it was pathetic to think that, but he knew that it was the only way to get me. He said he wouldn't regret anything. He said that he had me for the time that he was supposed to. We gave each other two beautiful children. God, he couldn't emphasize enough how much he loves them." Ashley looks over at her coloring children. The sun was shining through the window, giving a glow to each child. They looked so angelic. "He had tears coming down his cheeks them. Spencer, I never seen him cry like that.

"He told me that all he wanted was to see the kids. He said that it would kill him if I took them away from him. Spencer, I could never take them from him. No matter what, he is a terrific father. Beyond anything that I could hope for them. He then went into why he was leaving. He said that he, the kids, and I deserve to be happy no matter what. He said that we don't deserve to keep living this façade that we had created for ourselves. He told me precisely that my heart was in another place and he wasn't going to keep me from that place." Ashley kept her voice low, her eyes finally meeting Spencer's as she spoke the last sentence. A jolt of electric shot between both girls, pulling them together like a magnet, but each girl tried so hard to resist it.

Spencer's mind was going on overdrive. Ashley had practically said what each girl had been thinking. She had said it through her words, through her body movements, and most deeply through her eyes. Spencer wanted so bad to do something right then and there, but the blond was scared. This wasn't the move that she needed to make. This was something Ashley had to do first.

The older girl continued, "He said that he loves me, that there was no changing that. He said that he loved the children, that he loved them more than life. He requested only to see the children regularly and to not hate him. Why would he think I would hate him? He did something so unselfishly righteous. He sacrificed his happiness for mine."

Spencer kept her grasp on the wiggling child in her arms and still kept her full attention on the brunette. Aiden had done something so unexpected. She would surly think that he would keep his grasp on the girl. She though he would never let her go without a fight. Instead the man had waved his white flag in the air and surrendered. Spencer was thankful of the man. She was in some way excited that he did that. Okay, she was excited. She also was iffy on it also.

Ashley sat up, whipping at her glossy eyes. "He said that he was going to stay with Glen until he got his own apartment. He also said he'll contact hid lawyer to set up the papers."

Spencer silently thought to herself, "Well, he could take my place and I could contently move in with someone. Bad Spencer!"

Spencer smiled softly at the older girl, "He is a good man. How does this make you feel?"

Ashley met blue eyes, "Relieved."

This caused both girls to giggle softly. The wiggling infant in Spencer's arms, however, wasn't that happy. She was beginning to turn read and a couple cries came from her mouth before she exploded into tears. Spencer stood up and brought the crying child to her shoulder and began to pat her back.

She looked at Ashley apologetically, "Sorry, it's probably time for a nap or she's hungry. Do you mind if I feed her?"

Ashley shook her head, a smile on her face at the blond's motherly tendencies kicking in. She watched as the blond sat down again and undid the clasp of her shoulder to expose a taunt nipple. She brought the little girl to it and offered it to her. Helping the child latch on, the child suckled for a moment before letting go and started crying once more. Spencer tried again. Ashley kept her eyes on the girl, amazed at how well she was with the child. She had given up breast feeding when Ashden was four months because the boy kept biting her. She refused to pick it back up with Teigue. She figured that she was okay with formula, so her kids should be okay also. She couldn't see Spencer giving the baby artificial milk though. She always seen the girl as one of those mother's sitting in the rocking chair with her child and feeding them, bonding with them. She remember that she found 'Mothering: Natural Family Living' magazines in Spencer's closet. She asked the girl about it and she had said, "It's never too early to prepare."

Maddelena unlatched and began to wail. Spencer 'shhhed' the small child in a soft tone. She clipped her shirt back into place and put the child back to her shoulder. Ashley recognized this and smiled. The child was tired and was trying so hard to fight sleep. The child could wail for a long time without falling asleep.

She reached for the little girl. This move confused Spencer. Ashley reached again and this time Spencer handed her the child. Ashley smiled at Spencer before cradling the little wiggling child against her shoulder and began to bounce her up and down. She began to hmm quietly before singing a soft lullaby to the little girl, something she had just made up from the top of her head. Spencer watched amazed. She glanced at the coloring children, who were watching their mother. She turned her attention back to her half asleep daughter and Ashley.

iShh Shh sweet baby

It's okay I got you here

Go to sleep little girl

I'll always be near

Shh shh sweet baby

It's okay Maddelena

Cause I'll always be here /i

Thanks for the feedback. It makes me want to write. The more I get, the more i write and the quicker the updates


	14. Chapter 14: Let's Not Waste No More Time

Chapter 14

Let's Waste No More Time

The children sat there next to her happily showing her what they had drawn. She sat in-between them, Teigue has already crawled up and sat onto her lap. Ashden sat happily next to them explaining his colorful picture. She watched amazed at how happy the two where.

"Look at this one," Ashden said showing her is colorful elaborate drawing. For a three year old, he was quite an artist. She had seen many childish drawings and she'd have to say that he was drawing like a ten year old. There was so much detail and many little things in there. Instead of stick people and scribbles, the little boy had used his shapes and different things to illuminate the picture.

She took hold of the piece of construction paper and looked over it. She smiled, "This is wonderful. Do you want to tell me about it?"

The little boy nodded his mop of dark hair. He began to point at different object and people on the paper. The young girl sat there and listened intently. "This is Daddy." He said pointing to a large figure on the paper holding a basketball. Then he pointed to an identical, smaller figure next to him. "This is me, see I look like Daddy." The girl smiled at him and nodded her head. There was no denying that the handsome little boy looked like his father. "This is Mommy and Teigue." He said pointing to a figure that he drew with a rocker tee on and chucks and blue jeans. Next to her was a littler figure with a dress and what she thought could be a doll. The last figure next to his mother was a blond figure and a baby, "See here is Mad and that's you."

The little boy smiled up at Spencer, his eyes beaming with fondness. She smiled right back at him and handed him that picture, "That looks wonderful Ashden. Maybe we can hang it up later." Her inner happiness that the boy included her in the picture made Spencer so excited.

She turned her attention to the little girl in her lap. She combed a hand through her hair and smiled down at her. She got a big smile in return. The little girl had so much of Ashley's characteristics. She had the big brown eyes that looked right into you and you couldn't help but be happy. "Hey, do you wanna show me what your drew?"

The little girl bobbled her head. She picked up the picture in her little hands and showed Spencer the colorful scribbles proudly. In a loud voice she proclaimed it, "It's a fwower (flower)."

She beamed down at the little girl, "Wow, it's beautiful. Ashden don't you thinks its pretty?"

Ashden nodded his head, "Yes!"

Spencer sat down the picture and stood up. She held Teigue in her arms and looked down at Ashden. She smiled and sat Teigue down in the chair she had just occupied. "I need to check on Mad. How about you color me another picture?"

Both children went back to work quickly, talking among themselves.

Spencer turned around and headed through the hallway toward the living room. Ashley had put Maddelena to sleep before she left. Every time that Spencer comes over, Maddelena gets comfortable around Ashley and ends up falling to sleep to her melodic voice. It had only been a couple days since Ashley had first sung to the little girl, but from then they all have been spending a lot of time together. Either at lunch, or Ashley would come to Art class with Ashden, or getting ready for the wedding, or even hanging out after work. The two was becoming closer and closer and that sort of scared Spencer. She was afraid that they were moving too fast. That their relationship was becoming to go into a different boundary.

"Then again, who the fuck cared it we go headstrong into this relationship?" Spencer thought to herself. "Everything that had happened is behind us; we have let all that hurt go. We have started over. So, why can't we just finally be happy and get together." She was in the middle of an emotional turmoil. She knew that they both wanted this. She knew Ashley knew she knew that. They both where now playing the 'let's take it slow' game that everyone in the universe thinks that would be best. They already went down that lane. Now, they were just wasting their time when they could be together. She knew the end result. They would get together. Yes, Spencer might be cocky, but it was all honesty. If they where playing it safe because the kids, or ease them into the idea of it, then it was a waste also.

It helped that the kids where young. It made this whole situation easier. Ashden was the only one they needed to truly worry about, and he is a very understandable child. Ashley had sat down with him the night his father left and explained to him that his daddy and mommy wasn't going to be together anymore. She explained that it didn't mean they loved him any less or that he wouldn't see his daddy. She explained it to him in a way he would understand. He did. Spencer knew that they wouldn't have a problem with Teigue or Maddelena.

So, why are they dancing around each other?

She knew that it would all work itself out. She also put the ball in Ashley's court. Everything was up to the young mother of two.

Spencer entered the living room and saw her daughter sleeping soundly in a hammock style bed that Teigue used to sleep in. Amby Baby Motion Bed was scripted on the side of the bed. She smiled at the peaceful looking child. Her brownish red hair was wild and stuck to her forehead. She just laid there beautiful.

Spencer turned back and started to walk toward the dinning room. She heard the door click and she turned her attention to the front, wooden door opening.

Ashley walked in happily, closing the door behind her. She smiled when she saw Spencer seven feet in front of her smiling. She looked really happy from coming back from a meeting with Aiden and their lawyers. She had left only a few hours earlier. She was a mess, not knowing what to expect. Now, she showed up happy and a bright smile was on her face.

"Hey you," Spencer said walking toward the girl.

"Hey yourself," Ashley said meeting her half way, smiling cheekily.

"So, how did it go?"

Ashley took a seat on the stares. Spencer voluntarily sat next to her and turned. She leaned her back against the banister. Ashley also turned to face the blond, leaning onto the wall. "It went wonderful. The lawyers was so amazed at how well we got along and wanted to know why we were leaving each other. But, in the end it was great."

Spencer smiled, "That's good. So, what did you two decide on?"

Ashley couldn't drop her smile, "Well, I get the house and my car. He takes his car and his money in his account. We have joint accounts, but it's still separate where we can see who has what in their accounts. The only thing he wanted was split custody. So, we had to work out a schedule. That was hard, but we decided that the whole weekend's thing was great until when they got older and could decide when they want to go over and shit. So, he takes them on weekends, unless something comes up. Of course, he can see them anytime. He got a small three bedroom two minutes away from here. You know, right across the street from the park?"

Spencer nodded her head and Ashley went on, "So, we have it all worked out. Everything is almost perfect now."

Spencer looked at her questionably. What did she mean by 'almost'?

Ashley giggled at the younger girl. She shook her head at her modestly and blindness. Ashley licked her lips. She was thinking the same thing that Spencer had just minutes ago while she was driving in the car. Why the fuck did they have to take it slow? They knew what they both wanted and they knew that they can have it. IT is right there in front of them.

Ashley looked into Spencer's blue stormy eyes with want and understanding. She looked down at the blond's lips and bit her own wanton ones. Spencer noticed this and a sly smile curved onto her soft wet lips.

Wasting no time, Ashley dove into Spencer's delicious lips. Spencer welcomed her openly and brought a hand on the back on her head. She entangled her hand in her hair and pulled the older girl closer. The kiss was passionate, hungry, demanding, and soft. It was too make up from all the time they had missed in the past.

They knew that there were things that might be in their way. They knew that this might not be that easy. They knew all these things. But that didn't matter. They knew that no matter what, they could face it.

Together.

FIN

Okay, just know that I am sooo grateful for all the feedback! I love you all sooo much for it!


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